Apparently March 5, 2014 is supposed to be the day to spread the word to end the word. And by the word it means the word retarded. I don't like to get a lot of extra attention for Tommy having Down Syndrome and I don't like to go off on soapboxes about issues. But I have been thinking about blogging about this for a long time so I thought it might be fitting to do today.
I think it's safe to say that most parents of children who have special needs, or even specifically Down Syndrome are offended by the word retarded. Here's the thing, I try really hard not to be offended by it b/c I know most people don't mean it in the literal way the word is supposed to be used. But to be completely honest, as hard as I try, it does bother me. And this is where I think a little insight to our lives might help. When Tommy was born in April of 2010 the doctor came in a couple of hours after he was born and told us he thought Tommy had DS. Then at some point within the first 48 hours of just having our beautiful baby boy, I had heard that my son would most likely be "mentally retarded." (And that was harder to hear, than hearing he had DS.) Now while medically this is some what of a politically incorrect/insensitive word to use, to my knowledge it did start out as simply a medical term. But growing up using that word myself, I knew it to have different meaning - it is basically saying stupid. So imagine having your innocent, beautiful, healthy child freshly welcomed to this world and hearing those words. It kind of gets you in the gut. It's not fun to hear. And the doctor was clearly not saying Tom would be stupid, but that his brain would function a little differently and some things may be more challenging for him. So here's the deal - Tommy is far from stupid. In fact I am amazed at some point through out my day, every day, at just how smart he is and tell him he's a genius (Silas too, my boys are smaaaaart, not to brag). However, some things are harder for Tommy to pick up on, some times physically his body can't do just what he wants it to do or it takes him longer. Even speaking for that matter, his speech is delayed and we see daily how Silas' speech is growing. It is truly a challenging blessing to see how much one extra chromosome can effect his body, muscles, and mind. Anyway I'm getting off topic. So the word retarded, no one other than doctors have ever used it in reference to Tommy and if they did it would be challenging for me to glorify Christ in that moment but I pray that I would. Just being honest with you. But every time I hear someone use that word, even in casual conversation, I get a pit in my stomach. I do not call them out, I try not to show that it bothers me b/c I know they do not mean it personally or in anyway in reference to Tommy. But sadly it takes me back to that moment in the hospital room where I heard multiple times from doctors that our son would be mentally retarded. In my mind it reminds me of those old test questions - apple is to red,
red is to fruit, apple = red fruit. So if Tommy is to retarded and
retarded is to stupid, Tommy = stupid. Not a chance. And thankfully I
do not know a single person who would say such a sad sentence (I didn't
even like typing it out but it seemed like a clear way to explain it.) I tell you all of this not for pity, not to make anyone feel bad b/c honestly it's hard to share this b/c it makes me feel vulnerable and like I might hurt someones feelings who has said it and didn't mean anything by it - I tell you simply so you can know that parents are actually told these things by medical professionals and it can therefore make it difficult not to make an emotional connection when hearing that word. I encourage you to be mindful of the words that you speak b/c while you
may mean nothing by it, it may mean a lot to someone else. Try not to let your kids hear you use that word so they aren't tempted to say it as they get older, it would be pretty cool if they never even knew the word existed. As I have said, I used it when I was younger, I don't think all people who say it are bad and I'm not judging anyone. I just thought it might be helpful to know what we know from a first hand experience and so it might help others better understand why that word can be so offensive.
