So I've been dealing with a lot of poop lately. Literally that is. Tommy is having some tummy issues and between him and Silas a large chunk of my day is consumed with cleaning up stinky messes. I've been changing sheets, changing outfits (for Tommy, Silas, and me), doing laundry, etc. etc. But in the midst of all this poop there have been some very sweet moments.
There are two special things that happened yesterday that I hope I never forget. First of all Tommy didn't go to church yesterday morning b/c we're afraid he may have a little stomach bug so Kyle stayed home with him. Well when I came home from church I was tired and hungry and had to feed Silas right away. And then Kyle started pointing a few things out to me in a very sweet way that he had done while I was at church. He had washed the dishes, emptied the dishwasher, and taken out the trash all while watching Tommy! All just to serve and help me! How sweet is that! And earlier in the week he got a flat tire, second one within a month, so he called work and told them he wouldn't be able to make it, and he purposefully didn't call me so he could come home a little early and surprise me with flowers! Kyle just went back to school this past week so I've really been missing him. I've been trying really hard to be supportive and encouraging but I've had a couple of emotional break downs. It's a big difference in the amount of time we get to spend together - alone and as a family - when he starts back to school, but I know it's hard work for him so I don't want to give him a hard time either. Anyhow he did some special things to make me feel loved and to serve me so selflessly and I love it and appreciate it so very much! Words can't express!
My other sweet and ever so priceless moment was from yesterday evening. I took Tommy with me to Kroger to get a couple of things including Pedialyte. Don't judge me for taking him to the store, I wiped off the cart handle after we finished so no one would catch his bug, if it's a bug and if it's contagious, and we were there for less than 15 minutes. So we get home from the grocery store and I'm sitting on the floor of the kitchen in front of the fridge making room for the things we just bought. And out of no where I feel two little arms come up from behind me and wrap around my neck. I got one of the absolutely best hugs of my life! And in all sincerity I'm not over exaggerating. To feel my precious boy come give me a hug on his on volition, man talk about melt my heart! My heart was overfilled with love and joy at that moment! I thanked him for the hug and then scooped him around, putting him in front of me, and asked for another hug, and he walked towards me and gave me another "squeeze" (that's what we call hugs). And he let me hug him for a good long minute and I just squeezed him and told him how much I loved him and his hugs. This also made me think about the many women who choose to have abortions when they think their child might have Down Syndrome. It deeply saddens my heart to consider this for many reasons. A big one is b/c those women are being so selfish but I felt so sad for them that they chose to never get to experience the feeling I felt when he hugged me. What a loss. Now that hug didn't mean more to me b/c Tommy has Down Syndrome, it just meant so much to me b/c he is my son. Even through all the poop, my boys bring so much love and joy in my life!
Monday, August 20, 2012
Monday, August 13, 2012
Mushy Monday - My Mom
I am so very thankful for my parents and today my post is going to about my mom. This weekend she passed a big exam that she's been trying to pass for a while now and I am so proud of her for working so hard and achieving what she wanted to achieve. And on the other hand I could care less that she passed the exam, it makes her no more valuable in my eyes. That may sound mean but I mean it in a good way, no test or job title could ever make her mean more to me than she already does. But I love her very much so I am truly thrilled for her because I know it means so much to her and she worked so hard at it.
I have the best mom in the world and Tommy and Silas have the best grandma in the world! My mom is by no means perfect but she is extremely selfless and tries very hard to be perfect for us. I have always been close to my mom, sometimes probably too close b/c I wasn't always respectful to her b/c she was such a good friend to me that I didn't treat her as my mother. And now that I am a mom I hate to think about the many ways I have disrespected, ignored, and blatantly disobeyed my parents when I was growing up, and the sad thing was I thought I was a really good kid.
My mom and her siblings had a very rough childhood. And as I think about the things my mom had to go through, going in and out of the orphanage, having parents who loved her but weren't completely capable of showing it, and all the hardships she's endured it breaks my heart. She's my mom, but before she was my mom she was a newlywed, and a teenager, and a little kid. You don't always think about that when you think about your parents, especially before you are a parent. It seriously wasn't until after I had Tommy that I realized my mom is human! Ha! How insane is that? I had this high expectation for my mom that she was never supposed to mess up, never supposed to hurt my feelings, God forbid she be a sinner! AAAH! Thankfully after 24 years of life a light bulb went off in my head and I thought, why am I allowed to mess up but mom's not?! Well she is. And I hope that now I have much more grace in my relationship with my mom than I did as a child and a teenager.
Anyhow I wish that I could go back in time and love my mom as a little kid. I wish that I could swoop in and take her out of her past and provide her with a whole new one where she felt secure and loved and safe at every moment. But the Lord has done a great work in her life. While I know she can't forget or escape her past I know the Lord has used it for good. She is such a great mom and grandma to me and my kids and it has given me a huge desire to adopt some day.
When you have good parents you take them for granted. You may not do it intentionally b/c it is all you know. You have good parents so you don't know what it's like to have bad parents. It wasn't until Kyle worked at a local boy's home which is an "orphanage" but really it's an in between place for foster care and juvie. But when he worked there we saw first hand the vital role a single parent or even both parents play in a child's life. Isn't it crazy to think how one boy who ends up in jail could have had a whole different life if he would have had a mother or father to show him what it means to be a Godly man? The Lord used that job in a great way in our lives b/c it gave us a stronger burden for orphans here in the U.S. when a growing trend, which is a great growing trend by the way, is people focusing on orphans overseas. Kyle and I had been focused on doing overseas missions, which we still hope to do in some capacity, but this job really showed us that our country needs a lot of help in this area.
While I know I can't go back in time and take care of my mom, before she was my mom haha, it does make me appreciate all that she has gone through to become such a wonderful woman.
I have the best mom in the world and Tommy and Silas have the best grandma in the world! My mom is by no means perfect but she is extremely selfless and tries very hard to be perfect for us. I have always been close to my mom, sometimes probably too close b/c I wasn't always respectful to her b/c she was such a good friend to me that I didn't treat her as my mother. And now that I am a mom I hate to think about the many ways I have disrespected, ignored, and blatantly disobeyed my parents when I was growing up, and the sad thing was I thought I was a really good kid.
My mom and her siblings had a very rough childhood. And as I think about the things my mom had to go through, going in and out of the orphanage, having parents who loved her but weren't completely capable of showing it, and all the hardships she's endured it breaks my heart. She's my mom, but before she was my mom she was a newlywed, and a teenager, and a little kid. You don't always think about that when you think about your parents, especially before you are a parent. It seriously wasn't until after I had Tommy that I realized my mom is human! Ha! How insane is that? I had this high expectation for my mom that she was never supposed to mess up, never supposed to hurt my feelings, God forbid she be a sinner! AAAH! Thankfully after 24 years of life a light bulb went off in my head and I thought, why am I allowed to mess up but mom's not?! Well she is. And I hope that now I have much more grace in my relationship with my mom than I did as a child and a teenager.
Anyhow I wish that I could go back in time and love my mom as a little kid. I wish that I could swoop in and take her out of her past and provide her with a whole new one where she felt secure and loved and safe at every moment. But the Lord has done a great work in her life. While I know she can't forget or escape her past I know the Lord has used it for good. She is such a great mom and grandma to me and my kids and it has given me a huge desire to adopt some day.
When you have good parents you take them for granted. You may not do it intentionally b/c it is all you know. You have good parents so you don't know what it's like to have bad parents. It wasn't until Kyle worked at a local boy's home which is an "orphanage" but really it's an in between place for foster care and juvie. But when he worked there we saw first hand the vital role a single parent or even both parents play in a child's life. Isn't it crazy to think how one boy who ends up in jail could have had a whole different life if he would have had a mother or father to show him what it means to be a Godly man? The Lord used that job in a great way in our lives b/c it gave us a stronger burden for orphans here in the U.S. when a growing trend, which is a great growing trend by the way, is people focusing on orphans overseas. Kyle and I had been focused on doing overseas missions, which we still hope to do in some capacity, but this job really showed us that our country needs a lot of help in this area.
While I know I can't go back in time and take care of my mom, before she was my mom haha, it does make me appreciate all that she has gone through to become such a wonderful woman.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Mushy Monday - You are my Sunshine
Tonight as a I put Tommy to bed I was remembering when he had his heart surgery. I started a post about his surgery right after he had it but I never finished it...and I don't want to. I want to remember God's goodness to us in his surgery and the blessing of him being able to have his heart fixed, but I don't want to dwell on the details. In one way it feels like he never had heart surgery and almost like it was a dream. On the other hand if I sit and really think about it and go back to those memories, my chest tightens and I get a big lump in my throat. I've always been the kind of person who relives their emotions when they remember things, it can be good and bad thing. In this case I'd say it's a bad thing. Anyway enough serious negativity, the sweet thing I hope I never forget is how each time Tommy would start to get fussy, I'd get right next to his ear (b/c we weren't in a private room, curtains were are walls in the PICU) and I would sing, "You are my sunshine." I sing this to Tommy every day at his nap time. But I have changed the words, first verse is always you are my sunshine, then you are my baby, then you are my Tommy. And I change the end, instead of, "Please don't take my sunshine away," it is "Oh please be my sunshine always".
Anyhow I never really knew if Tommy liked the song, I just sang it anyway. And now I feel like it's his special song, I haven't even sung it to Silas b/c I feel like it would be cheating on Tommy haha! But when he had his surgery, there were times when his medicine would be wearing off, or he was just restless and he would start to fuss and squirm. And I would get right next to that precious ear and start singing and I would rub his head and he would immediately calm down. Oh how I felt that bond of being his mom and him being my son. My voice in a song he was so used to hearing comforted him when nothing else seemed like it would. I feel and felt so blessed to have that connection and ability to love him in that way. I can't even tell you how many times I sang that to him while we were at the hospital but apparently our neighbors, the people on the other side of the curtain, could hear me. Their daughter had gotten a little stuffed duck that sang "you are my sunshine" and they wanted Tommy to see it.
And now at nap time I still sing it to him. I am so so so thankful that he had the surgery and is thriving so well. We can really tell that he is growing so much more now. When he was 12 months old he weighed 19lbs, when he had the surgery he was still right around 19 lbs and he was 22 months old. Now he is 24lbs and growing and he's 27 months. He wore his 12 month summer clothes for right around a year, longer I think, and we just boxed those clothes up and he's moving into 24 month shirts and Pj's but still wearing 12-18 month shorts and pants. But I won't complain about him taking longer to grow, I actually kind of enjoyed it, I got to cherish his young age longer. At the rate Silas is growing, he'll be wearing the clothes I just boxed up from Tommy in the fall.
I know all my mushy posts have been about the kids lately, but they're a huge part of my life, and they bring so much meaning and purpose to my life. I am so glad the Lord has entrusted us with both Tommy and Silas.
Check out our healthy growing boy!!
Anyhow I never really knew if Tommy liked the song, I just sang it anyway. And now I feel like it's his special song, I haven't even sung it to Silas b/c I feel like it would be cheating on Tommy haha! But when he had his surgery, there were times when his medicine would be wearing off, or he was just restless and he would start to fuss and squirm. And I would get right next to that precious ear and start singing and I would rub his head and he would immediately calm down. Oh how I felt that bond of being his mom and him being my son. My voice in a song he was so used to hearing comforted him when nothing else seemed like it would. I feel and felt so blessed to have that connection and ability to love him in that way. I can't even tell you how many times I sang that to him while we were at the hospital but apparently our neighbors, the people on the other side of the curtain, could hear me. Their daughter had gotten a little stuffed duck that sang "you are my sunshine" and they wanted Tommy to see it.
And now at nap time I still sing it to him. I am so so so thankful that he had the surgery and is thriving so well. We can really tell that he is growing so much more now. When he was 12 months old he weighed 19lbs, when he had the surgery he was still right around 19 lbs and he was 22 months old. Now he is 24lbs and growing and he's 27 months. He wore his 12 month summer clothes for right around a year, longer I think, and we just boxed those clothes up and he's moving into 24 month shirts and Pj's but still wearing 12-18 month shorts and pants. But I won't complain about him taking longer to grow, I actually kind of enjoyed it, I got to cherish his young age longer. At the rate Silas is growing, he'll be wearing the clothes I just boxed up from Tommy in the fall.
I know all my mushy posts have been about the kids lately, but they're a huge part of my life, and they bring so much meaning and purpose to my life. I am so glad the Lord has entrusted us with both Tommy and Silas.
Check out our healthy growing boy!!
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