Tommy's new tricks

So pretty much in the past month our little boy has started to do so many new things and it's been so fun and such a joy to watch him grow and flourish.  He is walking with his walking "toy" all by himself and he LOVES it. It's still has to be an intentional thing that we do though, and at times he has to be coerced with a book, but once he gets going he squeals and laughs while he walks. He gets around so fast, he moves like a little monkey. He sits down and leans forward on his hands and swings his butt in whatever direction he wants to go. Everyone tells us they love to watch him move. Tommy's getting really good at his aim when it comes to throwing things, he'll use a small toy to knock down a tower of blocks and can usually hit it dead on. He's pulling up on everything and is getting super fast at cruising along whatever it is he's pulling up on.  His speech has grown tons in the past month - he signs more all the time now, he is trying to verbally say the word more, he says MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA! FINALLY! While I'm super thankful he's saying it, it wasn't quite as exciting as I thought it would be b/c it was kind of gradual. He started making the "mmm" sound forever ago and then every once it a blue moon it sounded like he was saying ma. Then came, mawwm, followed by mama! And it is now his favorite sounds to make - that part makes me very happy! He now knows the sign for daddy but has no interest in signing mama. He can say dada but goes through phases where he says it a lot and then stops, and since mama is the new favorite sound dada and baba/byby have taken a back seat, but trust me they had their day. Tommy will point to your eyes, nose (his favorite), mouth, and ears. He knows where his belly and his head are. Funny story from Christmas weekend - we have never asked Tommy where his head is or taught him where his head is but he was playing at my in-laws' house and his Grammy saw him playing with a little table that wasn't very sturdy. So she went and moved it and told him, "I have to move that so you won't bonk your head." And out of no where he starts patting himself on the head! We started cracking up and clapping our hands telling him, "Yes, head! Good job!" Then we asked him several times after where his head was and he kept patting his head. He's so stinking smart, and pretty dang cute!

Tommy was not interested at all in opening his presents. I thought he would be, but he just wanted to move around. He did however get excited when we got home and I was taking all the toys out of the boxes and wiping them down. I'd throw them to him on the floor when I was finished. And at one point he came over to the couch, pulled himself up in front of a couple of toys that were still in the box, and was signing more! Haha he wanted more toys to play with! He cruised down the couch to my lap and took the toy I was wiping off out of my lap!

Tommy loves to sign more, but is starting to get upset when you tell him all done or no more and he still wants more. One of the cutest things is when Kyle tickles Tommy or plays with him, and in between tickles Tommy will look up at Kyle and put his hands high in the air and sign more to him, b/c he wants Kyle to keep tickling him! Precious, precious boy!

Okay I will leave you of a video of Tommy's signs. And one of him walking with his toy (it's a walker his Physical Therapist is letting us borrow)



Mushy Monday?!

Even though it's Tuesday it doesn't sound like a catchy title to say Mushy Tuesday. And I think mushy is kind of a weird word - it reminds me of squishy and in that sense kind of grosses me out.

This week I want to talk about how thankful I am for our church. A few weeks ago on a Wednesday night I decided to keep Tommy with me for our church business meeting b/c he had broke out in a rash on his chest and belly. I was 99% sure it was an allergic reaction to raspberry juice but just to be safe I didn't want to the other kids to be exposed. (He had no other symptoms and it looked like an allergic reaction, big welts) Anyhow it was a lot of work. I was trying to keep him quiet and sitting still in my lap, Kyle was working so he wasn't there for me to pass him off. It was pretty exhausting. This experience made me so so so grateful for our church nursery and all the people who work in it. Honestly if there were no church nursery I don't think Kyle and I both would be able to go to the same service between the ages of like 6 months to 3 years old (and that's being generous). But thankfully our church family serves each other well by serving in the nursery.

Tommy has also grown to know and love the nursery workers during Sunday School. Josh and Emily serve consistently in that class and Tommy now knows them. Which I really love! I think apart from Tommy's therapists they are the first two people he's come to know, remember, and like apart from family. He remembers them and he doesn't even cry when I leave him in there with them.

The sweetest thing happened this Sunday morning though. Tommy could tell we were going some place and didn't even want to finish his breakfast, he was ready to go. Well when we pulled into the church parking lot he got so excited! He was screaming/squealing in excitement when I was getting him out of the car seat. It made me so happy to know that he recognized where we were and that he enjoys being there.

And then when I went to pick Tommy up Emily told me that Tommy had walked with the walking toy all by himself four different times! His walking "toy" at home that he walks with was given to us to borrow from his PT and is a very sturdy walking assistant. Basically that means that Tommy is learning to walk even better b/c he was able to walk with a regular toy that isn't as sturdy as what he's used to. And all the people that saw him do it in the nursery were bragging on him and telling me about it. It was so encouraging to me to know my sweet boy walked so good and then to have our friends celebrating with us over his accomplishments.

I am thankful for our church for many reasons, and not just for the ways they can serve us, but that we get to serve along with such wonderful friends and to know that they are intentional to love our children.

20 Months of Tommy

Lots of blogging between yesterday and today. But I had to do a quick one on our Tom Tom who was 20 months as of yesterday.  In the past two weeks he has started doing so so so much. It seems like out of no where this boy is just taking off.

He is cruising wonderfully! He gets faster each day. He is pulling himself up in any place he has the opportunity. He is kind of walking with his walking toy (he only needs help keeping it from going too fast). He is appropriately signing the word "more" he had his own version of the sign before and would only do it occasionally when eating. Now he will do the right sign and he does it when he's playing too. He's dancing and enjoying music. He seems to be out of his shy stage for now, I'm sure it will return. He's been a huge daddy's boy for about a week now. He has mastered giving high fives and even double high fives. He knows where our eyes, nose, and mouth are, and he knows where his thumbs are. His receptive language is so strong and continues to grow. He will say "mama" or "mom" every now and then but usually only when something is wrong or he's whining. He scoots around on his butt or rolls to get where he wants to go, occasionally he'll belly crawl. He only naps once a day now, which can be tricky depending on the day. He's still a wonderful eater and drinker as long as he isn't teething. He holds his cup all by himself now when he drinks and we're working on teaching him to hand it back to us when he's finished (as opposed to throwing it). We're starting to work with using a spoon, where he holds it, while he eats and he thinks it's so fun. But we are no where close to being able to put a bowl or plate on his tray where he can reach it, he just thinks it's there for fun to put his hands in and throw. I think he's getting better at understanding discipline for the most part, he will typically stop if I can him to stop doing something, but he might only stop for a few seconds and then try again; it's a big improvement b/c I can see with his eye contact and facial response that he's intentionally listening and stopping even if it's only for a second. I think I had a little too high of expectations in disciplining before. Tommy is really into books right now, he loves turning pages, closing books, kissing the pages. Tommy is very good at learning transitions in his physical therapy activities (for example he knew how to sit himself down before he knew how to stand up on his own, this is helpful when your child learns to stand b/c they have to know how to get down. And more recently he just turns naturally when he's cruising along our sectional couch. Some kids have trouble figuring these things out but Tommy has been blessed with a natural ability to just do it) He's also really good at falling properly, sounds weird - especially if you aren't a parent, but when he's doing something and starts to fall he just rolls into it. So far, thank the Lord, no big, hurting falls b/c of his stunt man abilities. His attention span is growing when it comes to playing with a specific toy or a specific game and he's also getting way more interested in the TV, he sat with me the other day and watched a whole episode of Curious George (he was also teething so he may have just needed some snuggle time).

Tommy has so many sweet characteristics and quirks to his personality that keep us constantly entertained.  Oh how blessed we are to be his parents. God spoiled us by giving us such a wonderful and for the most part easy boy to take care of.

This weeks mushyness...

I was watching Tommy play a little bit ago and he was taking this little ping pong size ball that goes with one of his toys, putting it up on the coffee table and watching roll around and off the table with such precious concentration. This week he has figured out how to pull himself up to standing at this table, he used to just pull himself up to a kneeling position. Well every since he's been able to kneel there he has loved putting his mouth on the table. He even bites it sometimes, and has some teeth scratch marks along the edge of the wood. 

The sweet part about this is that this isn't just any coffee table, Kyle made this coffee table with his two hands. He spent hours cutting, piecing, sanding, and shaping this masterpiece of a table. Kyle is a perfectionist so this table does not look like it was made by an amateure woodshop student.  It looks like a nice table you would pay lots of money for in a furniture store. Kyle took two semesters of woodshop during his last year of college and he really enjoyed it. I remember when he brought his first project home for the end of the first semester, it was a beautiful end table, he had it covered in a sheet or towel and he had to explain to me how to take care of it, and how to pick it up if I was to move it, etc.  He had spent a lot of time and energy into making this table.  Well then came the next semester and I had always wanted a coffee table b/c for some reason we never had one growing up (which I think I figured out why, they take up a lot of room in the middle of the room).  So Kyle made me a nice, big coffee table.  He was careful when he brought it home, we did not put our feet on it (for a while).  Needless to say these were two valuable pieces of furniture to Kyle b/c he knew how hard he had worked to do them and was pleased with his finished product.

Well when Tommy first started trying to chew on the table, I'd always stop him and say, "No, no Daddy worked hard to make this table. Don't chew on it." Once I saw the teeth marks were already there I just kind of gave up on it (they aren't very obvious either). And the table it just Tommy's height, so I know why he'd love to play with it. Now he loves to throw his toys up there, and he throws them hard. He bangs with his drumsticks on the table. Thankfully Kyle chose a beautiful grain and type of wood that is very durable.

But I told Kyle the other day that he might as well just accept it, this coffee table is going to end up being our kids table and we might even end up getting little chairs to go with it b/c it really is the perfect height and size for a kid's table. He just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Probably so."

Oh how I love that our priorities have changed. Those little teeth scratches will someday bring joy to my heart!  He's going to grow up and get big and I'll quickly forget about these precious days that we have together, but I will cherish those little reminders around our home and on our furniture that he left behind. Tommy knows he has to leave his mark. And with his new brother or sister coming I'm sure there will be many more teeth marks, and probably even worse things, to mark that they've been here.



Fearfulness

One of my more apparent big weaknesses and sins is being overly fearful. I have struggled with this all of my life. Growing up I was constantly afraid of being home by myself and someone breaking into the house, or even if my parents were home, someone breaking in and hurting them and me being left alone not knowing what to do with a strange attacker coming after me. It sounds so weird to type that out, but I was seriously afraid. In fact one time, I think I was around 8th or 9th grade, I remember I was home sick during the day by myself (I clearly wasn't that sick or I wouldn't have been home by myself). My dad and mom both worked close to home and my dad would come check on me at lunch. Anyway we lived in what I think people refer to as a quad-level house. Most of the bedrooms were upstairs and the family room was downstairs - well I was in the family room watching TV and I heard a big bump noise upstairs. I knew it was an intruder. B/c logically an intruder would choose to get a ladder, climb on top of our porch roof, then somehow break into the window, and climb through to break into our house. (Before Kyle logic rarely entered my brain). No I knew someone had broken in, I heard it. So I sat completely still for a few minutes (probably really seconds) freaked myself out even more as time went on; grabbed the cordless phone, ran out the front door, called my dad and sat on the neighbor's front porch until my dad got there.

There was no intruder - the globe of my fan (the glass thing that covers the light bulb) and fallen off and rolled across the floor. I really didn't feel that silly either. After all something really did make the noise. There had been so many other times I'd gotten scared and worried but had no real reason other then psyching myself out.

Anyway my fearfulness continued and continues through out my life. It wasn't until a year or so that after Kyle and I were married that I recognized this as a sin. I was not trusting the Lord or His Word as to what or who it says I should fear. God does not say I should fear a crazy, scary, strong, killer man - He says I should fear Him. And He also says that if He is for me, then who is against me? So around that time I started finding verses and writing them down, I didn't really memorize them but memorized the main point of them. Also I remember one night when I was home by myself thinking, Satan doesn't have to even work at getting me to sin - I completely do it on my own. I scare myself, I need no help with that. And I also thought about how the Lord protected Paul while he was in prison, and I was scared being at home, in the free country I live, with the gun we're allowed to keep for protection. So very silly.

Well the Lord has been very kind to me and granted me grace to be able to handle with the fear of intruder breaking into our home. I still struggle with it from time to time but overall Kyle and I can both see the Lord's goodness to me in this.

But I've recently discovered that this fear has moved. Ever since I've had Tommy, I've had an outrageous fear of something happening to him - mainly in his sleep. I realize this sounds crazy - I'm just being honest with you. I have been so scared of SIDS, but really I've been scared of not having control over his safety. And then of course that means I am fearing b/c I'm not trusting the Lord. I fear the Lord will choose to take Tommy away from me. For a while I would go check on him every couple of hours while he slept to make sure he was breathing. But that resulted in waking him up sometimes and I had to learn to stop that. I would have tons of dreams right after he was born that I put him in bed with me and then I couldn't find him. I would wake up and have a wad of blankets cradled in my arms, thinking "this is too light to be Tommy!" And here's the thing I never put him in bed with us but for some reason my subconcious was overtaken by the thought. So recently I've been praying for the Lord to help me to trust Him more, and to change my mind to think of being grateful for the time I have with Tommy - with any of my loved ones for that matter.

This year has brought about a lot of loss, not necessarily for my family, but for many friends we know - there have been children who've passed, grandparents, parents, spouses. And it was actually another mom, who lost her three year old son, who helped me realize how backward my thoughts were. She didn't say anything to me directly, but it was her posts on facebook that spoke of their family's gratefulness of the time they had with him that really touched my heart. Sadly I thought, that wouldn't be my first thought - to thank the Lord for the time He gave me. I thought I would be thinking, "Why? We needed more time. We deserved more time." But that's not reality, God is good and He is sovereign, and it is a gift the time that we get with those we cherish.

I can already see some little ways the Lord has helped to change my way of thinking and to calm my irrational fears. And to think about enjoying and being thankful for each day I have with my family and friends who I love so much. I've wasted so much time fearing such frivilous and silly things; I'd rather rejoice in my time. I hope to rejoice in a great, sovereign God; an amazing growing family; and the many friends we are blessed to know.

Encouraging news!

Today Tommy had his 18 month check up - even though he'll be 20 months in 6 days! We had to reschedule his appointment b/c he got strep and was on an antibiotic for a couple of weeks.  Anyhow this doctor visit was such a blessing! First of all Tommy did great! He was such a big boy and was so sweet to the doctor. I have mentioned his pediatrician in the past and I'm a big fan of his. I like him for many reasons and today is a great example of why.

I was feeling very uncomfortable with how we left things at the cardiologist last time and I was very confused. I called to try and get clarification from the cardiologist but I was still pretty lost. I understand (as much as I can as untrained professional) what is wrong with Tommy's heart, his cardiologist does a wonderful job at explaining that! However, we were on different pages when it came to the topic of when Tommy would have surgery. So after our conversation he kindly suggested that we move Tom's appointment up 3 months and make sure we're the last appointment of the day so we can take our time and have any questions answered that we need.  He was very sweet at wanting to accommodate this frazzled mom. Well I had told Kyle that I was planning to talk to the pediatrician about it b/c he's been along with us too for the whole ride and I wanted to see if it made better sense to him then it did to me. And it did, and he explained it so clearly.

Basically he said the information he got from Tommy's last cardiologist appointment showed that the ASD has gotten smaller. Did our cardiologist say this, no. But Kyle thinks he didn't mention it b/c he doesn't want to get our hopes up that it will close on its own and we still understand that the likelihood of that is extremely slim (but we know God can do great things). And the pediatrician agrees that Tommy will ultimately have to have surgery but it's an encouraging sign it's smaller, b/c the smaller the patch they have to put in, the better that is for Tommy.  And he also said perhaps as Tommy grows the bottom part of the Atrial wall will grow up and possibly allow for a heart cath instead of open heart surgery! Now I say this telling you that he does not necessarily think that's what will happen, but it is something to pray for. And to be honest - I am just so excited to hear the ASD is smaller! It's still significant, it's still surgery worthy (trust me we've seen the echos and the hole looks big), but we'll take what we can get! We thank the Lord so much for the improvement, no improvement is insignificant!

Then I asked the pediatrician for clarification as to what kind of growth deficiency they look for to know if the heart is causing issues. And he said HUGE growth deficiency, almost to the point of wasting away, and it wouldn't just be physical we'd be able to notice he'd be missing milestones, and he said it would be really obvious to us. He said Tommy is doing amazing. And he said that, that's probably where the big miscommunication was between the cardiologist and us occurred - most babies with this heart defect and down syndrome do not thrive this well. So he explained that the cardiologist was just preparing us for what usually happens and that Tommy is just beating the odds.  Tthe cardiologist had also told us that Tommy is doing better than expected and he is very pleased with his progress but for some reason coming from the pediatrician it sounded way more encouraging. I wish he could join us for our heart visits!

We don't want to get everyone overly excited or give false hope that Tommy won't have to have surgery. But we want to make sure we're giving the Lord glory for His goodness and for hearing our prayers. Recently I've started adding to my night time prayer with Tommy that if it's the Lord's will for Tommy to have surgery that He would give us wisdom as to when he should have it, and before we were thinking sooner rather than later (and by sooner we still mean years, not months) and I feel like He helped guide us in that today. If we know Tommy's heart is showing improvement, that gives us much more of a reason to wait.

Over all we are thrilled with this news and Kyle and I both feel so encouraged. I am sure the cardiologist has gained wisdom over the years that as he does not know each set of parents and how they will react to different news that he is cautious with what information he shares and how he shares it. But our pediatrician knows us a little better, we see him way more often and he knows how I handle Tommy from a medical aspect. So I think he either knew we could hear that and not put too much hope in it or he just thought we already knew and that the cardiologist had told us. Either way I'm glad he did. It's so silly but it did make me feel like, "God you really are listening! Thank you!" I know that the Lord hears my prayers but how awesome it is to see Him hear them. Thank you for joining us in lifting our sweet boy up in prayer and for celebrating with us in all of his accomplishments.

Go Tommy, Go Tommy Go!

I'll go ahead and apologize for being super repetitive and annoying in this video - but clearly the video is not about me.

Mushy Monday

Who's baby learned to dance this week?! Oh yeah - that's my babeh! His dance move - waving his hands in the air like he just don't care!!!

I have to get a good video of this for you all! Check back later in the week and I'll try to have one posted!

If I say, "Go Tommy, Go Tommy, Go!" Tommy will throw his hands in the air and shake them back and forth - I love it and he loves it! The other night we were in a restaurant and I didn't even notice the music playing and Tommy started "dancing." LOVE IT!

I have been hoping that this boy would like music and like dancing - but until recently he had shown very little interest.

He is also starting to cruise along the couch! My sweet boy is getting so big and he is such a joy! I am really excited about him being a big brother too! I think I'm one of the frew who are okay with and even enjoy their babies getting bigger b/c I love seeing more and more of Tommy's personality and who he is and is going to be.