So I got this recipe on allrecipes.com - I love that site! Anyhow every time I make cookies they turn out different. I think I may finally have the best recipe, in Kyle and my opinion, figured out. I am writing it to share it and also so I never lose this recipe!!!
First get your dry ingredients together in one bowl - 2 cups of all purpose bleached flour (I don't sift, don't own a sifter), 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda. Mix it with a spoon, set aside.
In a big bowl that you plan to have all your dough in melt 1 and 1/2 sticks of butter. I put it in the microwave for 30 seconds, your goal is not to get it watery melty, it's basically to get it soft and able to mix well with the sugar to create a pastey type yummy substance. Kyle thinks I'm crazy b/c I think the butter and sugar mixed together is delicious! Okay so melted/softenedish butter, add 1/2 cup white sugar, and 1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar. Mix together with a spoon until creamy and yummy. Then add 1 tablespoon of vanilla, 1 egg yolk (I do the yolk only first in case I accidentally mess up and have a second chance at doing it again, but it really isn't hard, it's just an extra precaution), and add 1 full egg. Use a mixer and beat this together - I put it on the 2nd speed and try not to mix too long, just until well blended and beaten. Then I pour in the dry ingredients and mix it with a spoon. Then I stir in the chocolate chips, if you want melty chocolate like us, use semi-sweet, if you don't want melty chocolate use milk chocolate.
Bake at 325 degrees, on parchment paper or on the pan itself - DO NOT BAKE COOKIES ON ALUMINUM FOIL! I did this foreeeever and it makes them cook weird - I'm cheap, parchment paper isn't, but I will never make cookies on aluminum foil again. Bake for 15 minutes (give or take depending on your oven and how you like your cookies). These are the bomb! And what we like to do is make some right away, after I make the dough, but just enough that we'll eat that evening or a few left over for the next day and then refrigerate the rest of the dough and make them through out the week so we can have fresh cookies. MMMM! Hope you enjoy!
Sunday, October 21, 2012
Mushy Monday - Whirlwind of Memories
There are so many things I want to write about, simply because I know my memory will not be able to remember all these sweet moments I am having with my boys! What a blessing that is, too many sweet memories to keep track of them! (Clearly we have our rough times, my children, and I are most definitely far from perfect)
First things first, my little Tom Tom is turning into quite the toddler these days! I put Silas down for his first nap and decided it was time to give our dog Maggie a bath. I had Tommy stay in the bathroom with me while I gave her, her bath and then when it was time for me to dry her off I let him leave the bathroom to go play in the family room. After a couple of minutes I went to check on him and he was just playing with his toys like a good boy. Then a few minutes later when I was done I came out to find him coloring on the floor with his crayons and coloring pages that were on the kitchen table. In other words he had to move the chair, to reach onto the table, got down his toy, and went to town. And there was no crayon on the carpet, just on his coloring pages. I just looked at him shocked and said, “Tommy, did you want to color.” And in his precious little voice, that he only uses to say a couple of words he said, “Yeah.” Oh my word I should have taken a picture but didn’t think about it until much later. I didn’t know if that moment if I should discipline him or laugh…I laughed and I was proud of him. He knew what he wanted, he got it, and he was happy. I don’t want him to get into things he’s not supposed to, especially when I’m not around, which was the other funny part because I pretty much always have my eyes on him. But I also don’t want to over think these things, I want to enjoy him, his curiosity, and encourage him to be independent. It was a sweet “toddler” moment.
Baby Silas has had quite a big month. He is now officially 5 months old! Woo Woo! Big boy, almost half a year old! Where has the time gone?! Our little handsome guy is finally on a schedule – PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW (I sang that in my head as I wrote it)! He was much more difficult to get on a schedule then big brother Tommy. Silas would not eat at the same time every morning, he would eat really early in the morning like 4 or 5 and then wouldn’t want to eat for a really long time, seriously like 5 hours some times. I would try and try and he just wouldn’t eat. I’m going to list his schedule below so I can remember it. He has also started nursing longer than he used to, which I’m fine with, he was eating a total of 10 minutes but now it ranges from a total of 10-20. Silas has started eating rice cereal and oatmeal, he definitely prefers rice cereal – right now he eats just a little bit, probably about 1-2 tablespoons twice a day, with his lunch feeding and right before bed. He has figured out how to play with the alphabet ball! And he finally rolled over, from belly to back. He definitely isn’t super motivated to roll over but he’s done it a few times, I even got it on video. Have I mentioned yet that we think he might be teething! Aah! I hope not, we shall see. He goes to the doctor this week for a checkup; I can’t wait to see how much he has grown! I love that little monkey to pieces! Here’s baby Silas’ schedule at 5 months:
Typically wakes up between 6-7 and eats and goes right back to sleep (sometimes he skips this and sometimes he doesn’t, it’s a weird transition that seems to keep coming and going)
First official feeding is 9:00AM
Plays for two hours and naps at 11:00AM
Sleeps until 12:30PM
Eats at 12:30 or 1:00 PM + rice cereal
Naps 2:30PM
Sleeps until 4:00 or 4:30PM
Eats at 4:30 or 5:00PM
Naps 6:30-7:30PM
Eats at 8:30PM + rice cereal
Bedtime 9:00PM
*This is his typical schedule, sometimes things are off by ½ hour or so with the feedings and naps and his afternoon nap is the most finicky of them all but he seems to rest better having that little bit of rice cereal with lunch.
Learning his alphabet.
First things first, my little Tom Tom is turning into quite the toddler these days! I put Silas down for his first nap and decided it was time to give our dog Maggie a bath. I had Tommy stay in the bathroom with me while I gave her, her bath and then when it was time for me to dry her off I let him leave the bathroom to go play in the family room. After a couple of minutes I went to check on him and he was just playing with his toys like a good boy. Then a few minutes later when I was done I came out to find him coloring on the floor with his crayons and coloring pages that were on the kitchen table. In other words he had to move the chair, to reach onto the table, got down his toy, and went to town. And there was no crayon on the carpet, just on his coloring pages. I just looked at him shocked and said, “Tommy, did you want to color.” And in his precious little voice, that he only uses to say a couple of words he said, “Yeah.” Oh my word I should have taken a picture but didn’t think about it until much later. I didn’t know if that moment if I should discipline him or laugh…I laughed and I was proud of him. He knew what he wanted, he got it, and he was happy. I don’t want him to get into things he’s not supposed to, especially when I’m not around, which was the other funny part because I pretty much always have my eyes on him. But I also don’t want to over think these things, I want to enjoy him, his curiosity, and encourage him to be independent. It was a sweet “toddler” moment.
Such a goof ball!
He thought since Silas enjoyed the bouncy seat so much, he'd give it a try. He climbs in and out of it all the time now :)
Baby Silas has had quite a big month. He is now officially 5 months old! Woo Woo! Big boy, almost half a year old! Where has the time gone?! Our little handsome guy is finally on a schedule – PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW (I sang that in my head as I wrote it)! He was much more difficult to get on a schedule then big brother Tommy. Silas would not eat at the same time every morning, he would eat really early in the morning like 4 or 5 and then wouldn’t want to eat for a really long time, seriously like 5 hours some times. I would try and try and he just wouldn’t eat. I’m going to list his schedule below so I can remember it. He has also started nursing longer than he used to, which I’m fine with, he was eating a total of 10 minutes but now it ranges from a total of 10-20. Silas has started eating rice cereal and oatmeal, he definitely prefers rice cereal – right now he eats just a little bit, probably about 1-2 tablespoons twice a day, with his lunch feeding and right before bed. He has figured out how to play with the alphabet ball! And he finally rolled over, from belly to back. He definitely isn’t super motivated to roll over but he’s done it a few times, I even got it on video. Have I mentioned yet that we think he might be teething! Aah! I hope not, we shall see. He goes to the doctor this week for a checkup; I can’t wait to see how much he has grown! I love that little monkey to pieces! Here’s baby Silas’ schedule at 5 months:
Typically wakes up between 6-7 and eats and goes right back to sleep (sometimes he skips this and sometimes he doesn’t, it’s a weird transition that seems to keep coming and going)
First official feeding is 9:00AM
Plays for two hours and naps at 11:00AM
Sleeps until 12:30PM
Eats at 12:30 or 1:00 PM + rice cereal
Naps 2:30PM
Sleeps until 4:00 or 4:30PM
Eats at 4:30 or 5:00PM
Naps 6:30-7:30PM
Eats at 8:30PM + rice cereal
Bedtime 9:00PM
*This is his typical schedule, sometimes things are off by ½ hour or so with the feedings and naps and his afternoon nap is the most finicky of them all but he seems to rest better having that little bit of rice cereal with lunch.
Enjoying his first taste of rice cereal!
Just getting in a little exersauce! Haha - if you're my friend you'll laugh at that joke.
As these days fly by it’s really nice to be able and sit down and actually document the things going on in our lives, because a lot of nights I’m bouncing Silas, singing and praying with him before I lay him down and I think – man I feel like I didn’t spend a lot of time with you today (even though clearly we have spent the entire day together) but with so much going on between these two cuties I feel like my attention isn’t as focused as I would like it to be. But clearly there are a lot of sweet moments and things happening and I’m grateful to be able to see that and remember it here. I love my sweet boys! And please know that I have not forgotten about my wonderful husband. He is without a doubt a huge and important part of my life and I have a huge crush on him! Who wouldn’t?!
Monday, October 15, 2012
Mushy Monday - Time is FLYING by
So pretty much what you read every time you look at this blog, I can't keep up with blogging! AAAH! I think about it every week and almost every week there's at least one thing, if not more, that I want to write about and remember. But I have two kids, two wonderful, precious, cute kids that require a lot of my attention. I am very thankful for them and especially thankful that I get to stay at home with them and pay them a lot of attention.
Here are a few things I want to make sure I record for my memories sake on here, but I have to make it quick b/c Tommy apparently decided not to nap as long today and is crying at his door. He is sleeping in his race car bed now, which he has done awesome transitioning to, so he's waiting at his door for me to come get him. Keep on waiting buddy, mama's got to blog haha! Just kidding I'll make it quick.
1.) TOMMY - Tommy's imagination is coming to life, he's officially a 2 1/2 year old, and it's adorable! And I might add, a little creepy. He likes to wrestle by himself and sign more...to himself...or his imaginary friend?! Not sure, that's the kind of creepy part. Anyhow you have to sneak up to catch him in the act of this, otherwise he gets embarrassed and he stops. He's learning to keep himself entertained and this is the result of that. He throws himself around on the floor, rolls over, laughs, and then signs more in the air and does it all over again. It's hilarious! He's also getting into playing cars, rolling them back and forth to each other. He is starting to "read" books to himself, even signing to himself as he "reads" them. One book has a picture of a star on the outside, he pointed to it (while looking at it on his own) and signed star in the air. PRECIOUS! Tom is starting to like Silas more, still gets jealous and doesn't love for me to pay Silas individual attention or even shared attention when he's around and so we are starting to discipline with that b/c it's getting to where Tommy is trying to tell us what to do and when to stop paying Silas attention. We want to encourage him to be selfless and loving to his brother, and obviously to share and enjoy doing things with his brother. Oh my but one of the sweetest things, Silas was on his play mat the other night, crying, and I was making my way over to pick him up but Tommy beat me to it. He sat right by Silas' head, patted his chest, got in Silas' face to smile and say Hi, trying to calm him down! Melted my heart! Tommy is usually able to make Silas smile just by walking close to him but he was hungry so he cried, Tommy eventually gave up, but it was wonderful to see Tommy caring for his little brother. Tommy is growing leaps and bounds. He is such a big boy! He's learning to feed himself more and more, something that I struggle with b/c he can end up really messy aaah, not my forte! I cannot believe he is already 2 1/2, I love getting to know him more and more! Oh and he also got good news at the cardiologist, the mitral valve is leaking less. So as of this month, October 2012, it is not looking like he will need any further surgeries! I am thankful to the Lord and it makes me feel super happy and joyful and at the same time I try to take it in moderation b/c clearly things can change and sometimes communication gets foggy from one appointment to the next. However I do not want that to limit the Lord's glory and it is an answer to prayer! Praise the Lord!
2.) Baby Silas - words cannot express how much my heart grows for this child with each passing day! I love the stage he is in right now. Very interactive, very smiley, just so stinking sweet! He is blowing raspberries, still not rolling over but close (he has no desire to do so), has a super strong trunk and can prop sit (did you catch that Critter?! we think that term is funny) very well, he likes to make sounds with his mouth and to squeal and laugh. Silas is obsessed with Tommy! Typical little brother admiring the older brother, when Tommy walks towards him he starts laughing. I would say it's safe to say Tommy is Silas' favorite person, and trust me it goes beyond him just recognizing Tommy, b/c you can tell he favors Tom over Kyle and me. It is absolutely ADORABLE! I praise the Lord for this and hope it continues, I would love for them to be the best of friends. Silas is eating rice cereal, we started it shortly after he was 4 months old b/c he started waking up early again and taking super short naps. He seems to like it! Silas is a doll baby! He has wonderful chubby cheeks! I love my boys dearly.
Speaking of loving my boys they are both crying, awake from their naps, so I must bring this to an end. Here's a sweet picture of my precious little ones!
Here are a few things I want to make sure I record for my memories sake on here, but I have to make it quick b/c Tommy apparently decided not to nap as long today and is crying at his door. He is sleeping in his race car bed now, which he has done awesome transitioning to, so he's waiting at his door for me to come get him. Keep on waiting buddy, mama's got to blog haha! Just kidding I'll make it quick.
1.) TOMMY - Tommy's imagination is coming to life, he's officially a 2 1/2 year old, and it's adorable! And I might add, a little creepy. He likes to wrestle by himself and sign more...to himself...or his imaginary friend?! Not sure, that's the kind of creepy part. Anyhow you have to sneak up to catch him in the act of this, otherwise he gets embarrassed and he stops. He's learning to keep himself entertained and this is the result of that. He throws himself around on the floor, rolls over, laughs, and then signs more in the air and does it all over again. It's hilarious! He's also getting into playing cars, rolling them back and forth to each other. He is starting to "read" books to himself, even signing to himself as he "reads" them. One book has a picture of a star on the outside, he pointed to it (while looking at it on his own) and signed star in the air. PRECIOUS! Tom is starting to like Silas more, still gets jealous and doesn't love for me to pay Silas individual attention or even shared attention when he's around and so we are starting to discipline with that b/c it's getting to where Tommy is trying to tell us what to do and when to stop paying Silas attention. We want to encourage him to be selfless and loving to his brother, and obviously to share and enjoy doing things with his brother. Oh my but one of the sweetest things, Silas was on his play mat the other night, crying, and I was making my way over to pick him up but Tommy beat me to it. He sat right by Silas' head, patted his chest, got in Silas' face to smile and say Hi, trying to calm him down! Melted my heart! Tommy is usually able to make Silas smile just by walking close to him but he was hungry so he cried, Tommy eventually gave up, but it was wonderful to see Tommy caring for his little brother. Tommy is growing leaps and bounds. He is such a big boy! He's learning to feed himself more and more, something that I struggle with b/c he can end up really messy aaah, not my forte! I cannot believe he is already 2 1/2, I love getting to know him more and more! Oh and he also got good news at the cardiologist, the mitral valve is leaking less. So as of this month, October 2012, it is not looking like he will need any further surgeries! I am thankful to the Lord and it makes me feel super happy and joyful and at the same time I try to take it in moderation b/c clearly things can change and sometimes communication gets foggy from one appointment to the next. However I do not want that to limit the Lord's glory and it is an answer to prayer! Praise the Lord!
2.) Baby Silas - words cannot express how much my heart grows for this child with each passing day! I love the stage he is in right now. Very interactive, very smiley, just so stinking sweet! He is blowing raspberries, still not rolling over but close (he has no desire to do so), has a super strong trunk and can prop sit (did you catch that Critter?! we think that term is funny) very well, he likes to make sounds with his mouth and to squeal and laugh. Silas is obsessed with Tommy! Typical little brother admiring the older brother, when Tommy walks towards him he starts laughing. I would say it's safe to say Tommy is Silas' favorite person, and trust me it goes beyond him just recognizing Tommy, b/c you can tell he favors Tom over Kyle and me. It is absolutely ADORABLE! I praise the Lord for this and hope it continues, I would love for them to be the best of friends. Silas is eating rice cereal, we started it shortly after he was 4 months old b/c he started waking up early again and taking super short naps. He seems to like it! Silas is a doll baby! He has wonderful chubby cheeks! I love my boys dearly.
Speaking of loving my boys they are both crying, awake from their naps, so I must bring this to an end. Here's a sweet picture of my precious little ones!
P.S. Shout out to my sister wife Christina! haha Just kidding! Love you!
Monday, August 20, 2012
Mushy Monday - Lots of Love
So I've been dealing with a lot of poop lately. Literally that is. Tommy is having some tummy issues and between him and Silas a large chunk of my day is consumed with cleaning up stinky messes. I've been changing sheets, changing outfits (for Tommy, Silas, and me), doing laundry, etc. etc. But in the midst of all this poop there have been some very sweet moments.
There are two special things that happened yesterday that I hope I never forget. First of all Tommy didn't go to church yesterday morning b/c we're afraid he may have a little stomach bug so Kyle stayed home with him. Well when I came home from church I was tired and hungry and had to feed Silas right away. And then Kyle started pointing a few things out to me in a very sweet way that he had done while I was at church. He had washed the dishes, emptied the dishwasher, and taken out the trash all while watching Tommy! All just to serve and help me! How sweet is that! And earlier in the week he got a flat tire, second one within a month, so he called work and told them he wouldn't be able to make it, and he purposefully didn't call me so he could come home a little early and surprise me with flowers! Kyle just went back to school this past week so I've really been missing him. I've been trying really hard to be supportive and encouraging but I've had a couple of emotional break downs. It's a big difference in the amount of time we get to spend together - alone and as a family - when he starts back to school, but I know it's hard work for him so I don't want to give him a hard time either. Anyhow he did some special things to make me feel loved and to serve me so selflessly and I love it and appreciate it so very much! Words can't express!
My other sweet and ever so priceless moment was from yesterday evening. I took Tommy with me to Kroger to get a couple of things including Pedialyte. Don't judge me for taking him to the store, I wiped off the cart handle after we finished so no one would catch his bug, if it's a bug and if it's contagious, and we were there for less than 15 minutes. So we get home from the grocery store and I'm sitting on the floor of the kitchen in front of the fridge making room for the things we just bought. And out of no where I feel two little arms come up from behind me and wrap around my neck. I got one of the absolutely best hugs of my life! And in all sincerity I'm not over exaggerating. To feel my precious boy come give me a hug on his on volition, man talk about melt my heart! My heart was overfilled with love and joy at that moment! I thanked him for the hug and then scooped him around, putting him in front of me, and asked for another hug, and he walked towards me and gave me another "squeeze" (that's what we call hugs). And he let me hug him for a good long minute and I just squeezed him and told him how much I loved him and his hugs. This also made me think about the many women who choose to have abortions when they think their child might have Down Syndrome. It deeply saddens my heart to consider this for many reasons. A big one is b/c those women are being so selfish but I felt so sad for them that they chose to never get to experience the feeling I felt when he hugged me. What a loss. Now that hug didn't mean more to me b/c Tommy has Down Syndrome, it just meant so much to me b/c he is my son. Even through all the poop, my boys bring so much love and joy in my life!
There are two special things that happened yesterday that I hope I never forget. First of all Tommy didn't go to church yesterday morning b/c we're afraid he may have a little stomach bug so Kyle stayed home with him. Well when I came home from church I was tired and hungry and had to feed Silas right away. And then Kyle started pointing a few things out to me in a very sweet way that he had done while I was at church. He had washed the dishes, emptied the dishwasher, and taken out the trash all while watching Tommy! All just to serve and help me! How sweet is that! And earlier in the week he got a flat tire, second one within a month, so he called work and told them he wouldn't be able to make it, and he purposefully didn't call me so he could come home a little early and surprise me with flowers! Kyle just went back to school this past week so I've really been missing him. I've been trying really hard to be supportive and encouraging but I've had a couple of emotional break downs. It's a big difference in the amount of time we get to spend together - alone and as a family - when he starts back to school, but I know it's hard work for him so I don't want to give him a hard time either. Anyhow he did some special things to make me feel loved and to serve me so selflessly and I love it and appreciate it so very much! Words can't express!
My other sweet and ever so priceless moment was from yesterday evening. I took Tommy with me to Kroger to get a couple of things including Pedialyte. Don't judge me for taking him to the store, I wiped off the cart handle after we finished so no one would catch his bug, if it's a bug and if it's contagious, and we were there for less than 15 minutes. So we get home from the grocery store and I'm sitting on the floor of the kitchen in front of the fridge making room for the things we just bought. And out of no where I feel two little arms come up from behind me and wrap around my neck. I got one of the absolutely best hugs of my life! And in all sincerity I'm not over exaggerating. To feel my precious boy come give me a hug on his on volition, man talk about melt my heart! My heart was overfilled with love and joy at that moment! I thanked him for the hug and then scooped him around, putting him in front of me, and asked for another hug, and he walked towards me and gave me another "squeeze" (that's what we call hugs). And he let me hug him for a good long minute and I just squeezed him and told him how much I loved him and his hugs. This also made me think about the many women who choose to have abortions when they think their child might have Down Syndrome. It deeply saddens my heart to consider this for many reasons. A big one is b/c those women are being so selfish but I felt so sad for them that they chose to never get to experience the feeling I felt when he hugged me. What a loss. Now that hug didn't mean more to me b/c Tommy has Down Syndrome, it just meant so much to me b/c he is my son. Even through all the poop, my boys bring so much love and joy in my life!
Monday, August 13, 2012
Mushy Monday - My Mom
I am so very thankful for my parents and today my post is going to about my mom. This weekend she passed a big exam that she's been trying to pass for a while now and I am so proud of her for working so hard and achieving what she wanted to achieve. And on the other hand I could care less that she passed the exam, it makes her no more valuable in my eyes. That may sound mean but I mean it in a good way, no test or job title could ever make her mean more to me than she already does. But I love her very much so I am truly thrilled for her because I know it means so much to her and she worked so hard at it.
I have the best mom in the world and Tommy and Silas have the best grandma in the world! My mom is by no means perfect but she is extremely selfless and tries very hard to be perfect for us. I have always been close to my mom, sometimes probably too close b/c I wasn't always respectful to her b/c she was such a good friend to me that I didn't treat her as my mother. And now that I am a mom I hate to think about the many ways I have disrespected, ignored, and blatantly disobeyed my parents when I was growing up, and the sad thing was I thought I was a really good kid.
My mom and her siblings had a very rough childhood. And as I think about the things my mom had to go through, going in and out of the orphanage, having parents who loved her but weren't completely capable of showing it, and all the hardships she's endured it breaks my heart. She's my mom, but before she was my mom she was a newlywed, and a teenager, and a little kid. You don't always think about that when you think about your parents, especially before you are a parent. It seriously wasn't until after I had Tommy that I realized my mom is human! Ha! How insane is that? I had this high expectation for my mom that she was never supposed to mess up, never supposed to hurt my feelings, God forbid she be a sinner! AAAH! Thankfully after 24 years of life a light bulb went off in my head and I thought, why am I allowed to mess up but mom's not?! Well she is. And I hope that now I have much more grace in my relationship with my mom than I did as a child and a teenager.
Anyhow I wish that I could go back in time and love my mom as a little kid. I wish that I could swoop in and take her out of her past and provide her with a whole new one where she felt secure and loved and safe at every moment. But the Lord has done a great work in her life. While I know she can't forget or escape her past I know the Lord has used it for good. She is such a great mom and grandma to me and my kids and it has given me a huge desire to adopt some day.
When you have good parents you take them for granted. You may not do it intentionally b/c it is all you know. You have good parents so you don't know what it's like to have bad parents. It wasn't until Kyle worked at a local boy's home which is an "orphanage" but really it's an in between place for foster care and juvie. But when he worked there we saw first hand the vital role a single parent or even both parents play in a child's life. Isn't it crazy to think how one boy who ends up in jail could have had a whole different life if he would have had a mother or father to show him what it means to be a Godly man? The Lord used that job in a great way in our lives b/c it gave us a stronger burden for orphans here in the U.S. when a growing trend, which is a great growing trend by the way, is people focusing on orphans overseas. Kyle and I had been focused on doing overseas missions, which we still hope to do in some capacity, but this job really showed us that our country needs a lot of help in this area.
While I know I can't go back in time and take care of my mom, before she was my mom haha, it does make me appreciate all that she has gone through to become such a wonderful woman.
I have the best mom in the world and Tommy and Silas have the best grandma in the world! My mom is by no means perfect but she is extremely selfless and tries very hard to be perfect for us. I have always been close to my mom, sometimes probably too close b/c I wasn't always respectful to her b/c she was such a good friend to me that I didn't treat her as my mother. And now that I am a mom I hate to think about the many ways I have disrespected, ignored, and blatantly disobeyed my parents when I was growing up, and the sad thing was I thought I was a really good kid.
My mom and her siblings had a very rough childhood. And as I think about the things my mom had to go through, going in and out of the orphanage, having parents who loved her but weren't completely capable of showing it, and all the hardships she's endured it breaks my heart. She's my mom, but before she was my mom she was a newlywed, and a teenager, and a little kid. You don't always think about that when you think about your parents, especially before you are a parent. It seriously wasn't until after I had Tommy that I realized my mom is human! Ha! How insane is that? I had this high expectation for my mom that she was never supposed to mess up, never supposed to hurt my feelings, God forbid she be a sinner! AAAH! Thankfully after 24 years of life a light bulb went off in my head and I thought, why am I allowed to mess up but mom's not?! Well she is. And I hope that now I have much more grace in my relationship with my mom than I did as a child and a teenager.
Anyhow I wish that I could go back in time and love my mom as a little kid. I wish that I could swoop in and take her out of her past and provide her with a whole new one where she felt secure and loved and safe at every moment. But the Lord has done a great work in her life. While I know she can't forget or escape her past I know the Lord has used it for good. She is such a great mom and grandma to me and my kids and it has given me a huge desire to adopt some day.
When you have good parents you take them for granted. You may not do it intentionally b/c it is all you know. You have good parents so you don't know what it's like to have bad parents. It wasn't until Kyle worked at a local boy's home which is an "orphanage" but really it's an in between place for foster care and juvie. But when he worked there we saw first hand the vital role a single parent or even both parents play in a child's life. Isn't it crazy to think how one boy who ends up in jail could have had a whole different life if he would have had a mother or father to show him what it means to be a Godly man? The Lord used that job in a great way in our lives b/c it gave us a stronger burden for orphans here in the U.S. when a growing trend, which is a great growing trend by the way, is people focusing on orphans overseas. Kyle and I had been focused on doing overseas missions, which we still hope to do in some capacity, but this job really showed us that our country needs a lot of help in this area.
While I know I can't go back in time and take care of my mom, before she was my mom haha, it does make me appreciate all that she has gone through to become such a wonderful woman.
Monday, August 6, 2012
Mushy Monday - You are my Sunshine
Tonight as a I put Tommy to bed I was remembering when he had his heart surgery. I started a post about his surgery right after he had it but I never finished it...and I don't want to. I want to remember God's goodness to us in his surgery and the blessing of him being able to have his heart fixed, but I don't want to dwell on the details. In one way it feels like he never had heart surgery and almost like it was a dream. On the other hand if I sit and really think about it and go back to those memories, my chest tightens and I get a big lump in my throat. I've always been the kind of person who relives their emotions when they remember things, it can be good and bad thing. In this case I'd say it's a bad thing. Anyway enough serious negativity, the sweet thing I hope I never forget is how each time Tommy would start to get fussy, I'd get right next to his ear (b/c we weren't in a private room, curtains were are walls in the PICU) and I would sing, "You are my sunshine." I sing this to Tommy every day at his nap time. But I have changed the words, first verse is always you are my sunshine, then you are my baby, then you are my Tommy. And I change the end, instead of, "Please don't take my sunshine away," it is "Oh please be my sunshine always".
Anyhow I never really knew if Tommy liked the song, I just sang it anyway. And now I feel like it's his special song, I haven't even sung it to Silas b/c I feel like it would be cheating on Tommy haha! But when he had his surgery, there were times when his medicine would be wearing off, or he was just restless and he would start to fuss and squirm. And I would get right next to that precious ear and start singing and I would rub his head and he would immediately calm down. Oh how I felt that bond of being his mom and him being my son. My voice in a song he was so used to hearing comforted him when nothing else seemed like it would. I feel and felt so blessed to have that connection and ability to love him in that way. I can't even tell you how many times I sang that to him while we were at the hospital but apparently our neighbors, the people on the other side of the curtain, could hear me. Their daughter had gotten a little stuffed duck that sang "you are my sunshine" and they wanted Tommy to see it.
And now at nap time I still sing it to him. I am so so so thankful that he had the surgery and is thriving so well. We can really tell that he is growing so much more now. When he was 12 months old he weighed 19lbs, when he had the surgery he was still right around 19 lbs and he was 22 months old. Now he is 24lbs and growing and he's 27 months. He wore his 12 month summer clothes for right around a year, longer I think, and we just boxed those clothes up and he's moving into 24 month shirts and Pj's but still wearing 12-18 month shorts and pants. But I won't complain about him taking longer to grow, I actually kind of enjoyed it, I got to cherish his young age longer. At the rate Silas is growing, he'll be wearing the clothes I just boxed up from Tommy in the fall.
I know all my mushy posts have been about the kids lately, but they're a huge part of my life, and they bring so much meaning and purpose to my life. I am so glad the Lord has entrusted us with both Tommy and Silas.
Check out our healthy growing boy!!
Anyhow I never really knew if Tommy liked the song, I just sang it anyway. And now I feel like it's his special song, I haven't even sung it to Silas b/c I feel like it would be cheating on Tommy haha! But when he had his surgery, there were times when his medicine would be wearing off, or he was just restless and he would start to fuss and squirm. And I would get right next to that precious ear and start singing and I would rub his head and he would immediately calm down. Oh how I felt that bond of being his mom and him being my son. My voice in a song he was so used to hearing comforted him when nothing else seemed like it would. I feel and felt so blessed to have that connection and ability to love him in that way. I can't even tell you how many times I sang that to him while we were at the hospital but apparently our neighbors, the people on the other side of the curtain, could hear me. Their daughter had gotten a little stuffed duck that sang "you are my sunshine" and they wanted Tommy to see it.
And now at nap time I still sing it to him. I am so so so thankful that he had the surgery and is thriving so well. We can really tell that he is growing so much more now. When he was 12 months old he weighed 19lbs, when he had the surgery he was still right around 19 lbs and he was 22 months old. Now he is 24lbs and growing and he's 27 months. He wore his 12 month summer clothes for right around a year, longer I think, and we just boxed those clothes up and he's moving into 24 month shirts and Pj's but still wearing 12-18 month shorts and pants. But I won't complain about him taking longer to grow, I actually kind of enjoyed it, I got to cherish his young age longer. At the rate Silas is growing, he'll be wearing the clothes I just boxed up from Tommy in the fall.
I know all my mushy posts have been about the kids lately, but they're a huge part of my life, and they bring so much meaning and purpose to my life. I am so glad the Lord has entrusted us with both Tommy and Silas.
Check out our healthy growing boy!!
Monday, July 30, 2012
Mushy Monday - Silas Smiles
Silas has been smiling since he was exactly 4 weeks old. But he is smiling more and more all the time and it is PRICELESS! His whole face lights up! Silas is a very serious baby. He has the nickname: Grumpy (from Kyle), Silas the serious, serious Silas...and so on. He is a studier, he's not a big snuggler, he's very strong and sturdy, and very healthy, aka chunky! Anyway when he smiles it absolutely melts my heart! His eyes smile along with his precious mouth. And those cheeks! Those chubby chubby cheeks raise up and and he has a little dimple on the right side of his mouth. He's so stinking handsome, and his eyelashes are growing. We had a chat the other day, Silas and I did, about how the girls will be chasing him and his big brother, especially with their amazing lashes. But not to worry mommy will fight them off. Silas boy is now 2 months old, we went to the doctor and he's 13lbs 4 oz, 23 1/2 inches long, 98th percentile! That's my baby! Here's a peek at his priceless grins!
Oh my word! How my heart grows everyday with more love for this boy! He is just so stinking precious!
Big Brother and Little Brother
And my precious Tom Tom! My heart is seriously overflowing! I now understand why people keep having kid after kid. It's rough in the beginning but the rewards are such a blessing! I can't believe how Tommy is growing! He is so stinking big! His torso is sooo long! He looks so unproportional in outfits b/c his shirts are huge, to cover his belly (lengthwise not b/c he's fat), and his shorts are tiny b/c he's so skinny they have to be small to stay up, and his little legs are short too. What a blessing Tommy is, I was thanking the Lord last night for how well Tommy responds to correction and discipline. We are trying to teach him not to throw toys, something he's been doing for almost his whole life. He has just gotten too strong so it hurts if you get hit by them and for Silas' safety it's time to stop that "fun" game. But he is doing much better than anticipated with it, and our house is staying much straighter! I hope that all of our children listen and respond as well as Tommy does. And I'm sure as I type this, he'll wake up from his nap and not listen to a thing I say for the rest of the day! haha! That's just how it goes, if you brag about something they do, they usually stop right after!
I love my boys...but now I need a girl ;)
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