Mushy Monday - Dream Come True

There is just so much I want to write and remember!! I think what I’m going to try and do is divide up my post into a “non-mommy” section, a Tommy section, a Silas section, and a Kyle section. It may not always be exactly that way but I feel like it will help me keep it concise and help me to not leave anything out! Hopefully!


Okay non-mommy section that I have been thinking about ever since it happened. My day with Critter! A few weeks ago my best friend (apart from my hubby of course) came to visit from North Carolina. We got to spend one day together with our boys (she has a sweet little one year old) at my house and that was a blast. But the best day was by far the day my parents watched my boys and I got to spend the day with her and her baby just hanging out. We had Arby’s for lunch on her parents’ back deck in beautiful weather, we took it easy and hung out for a little bit, and then we went to Target, got cherry coke slushies at the gas station and hung out a little bit longer. Oh my word! This was quite literally a dream come true for me. I seriously day dream about being able to do things like this with her but never have the opportunity. And it was absolutely wonderful to be able to do it without the boys in tow. I was able to focus on her little guy and we didn’t have to figure out the logistics of getting three babies and two adults to Target and keeping them all happy at once, and so on. I loved our time together and I still think about it all the time. Sound obsessive much?! Oh well I don’t care, it was a perfect visit, and I doubt we will ever be able to top it, and that’s okay b/c it happening just once was so incredibly fun! A huge thank you to her for driving so far and enduring a lot of stress to do so to create so many great memories! And also to my parents for watching the boys, which they are always so sweet and quick to do!

Kyle – I love Kyle so very much! He knows absolutely nothing about music, well he knows very little. I don’t know a lot – such as who sings what song, but I know a decent amount of music and oldies, etc. The other night I was cleaning up the house and I came into his office and told him that sometimes I just want to bust out and sing clips of songs to him but I know he’d have no idea what I was talking about. And I started singing, “Have I told you lately that I love you? Have I told you there’s no one else above you? You feel my heart with gladness, take away all my sadness, ease my troubles, that’s what you do…” And I kept singing until I didn’t know any more words. I said do you know that song? And he said, “No.” Haha – he had no idea. Then I sang it the rest of the time I cleaned. It was fun. I’ve decided I don’t care if he knows the song, he probably won’t listen anyway, but he will be serenaded from time to time – whether he likes it or not!



Tommy – Can I just tell you what an amazing big brother Tommy is developing into? I’m not gonna lie I get a little teary eyed thinking about it. I realize he’s 2 ½ but if his attitude towards his brother when he gets older is anything like it is now, I will be thrilled! He does some of it selfishly b/c he gets attention for it, but other times he does it completely on his own. Anyway I digress (I’ve always wanted to say that! And I just did.) So something I’ve come to realize as a parent is that there are things that Kyle and I find sweet and cute that Tommy does, but as he grows and changes he stops doing so many things that we kind of forget about them. Let me clarify. I used to dream about what it would be like when Tommy started walking, but in reality I had no idea. Once he started walking there would be little things that I would find so cute about him following me, etc. Now he walks so much and so well that I don’t even notice him following me. Well a precious thing he does that I want to remember is how we play this “knocking” game at his bedroom door. When Tom gets up from his nap he might just lay in bed and cry until I come get him, or he will get up and play for a little bit and when he’s done he’ll come and knock o his bedroom door – basically signaling “Mom, I’m done. Can you come let me out?!” Anyway the other day I was standing at the door and he would knock, then I would knock. And he can knock pretty well, but you can still tell it is the sweetest little knock of a child. I just stood there and smiled as he would knock, then I would knock, and he would giggle. Then he would knock, I would knock, and he would giggle. And then I would say, “Who’s there?!” And he’d respond, “Aaaaaah.” “Is that Tommy?!” “Aaaaah!” And more knocking. As I stood there I realized some day this game will stop and I will probably forget all about it b/c he will be big enough to open the door on his own. It’s kind of insane how fast he is growing up and into such a wonderful, sweet boy! I am so very blessed to be his Mama! It’s okay, be jealous, I’m sure God understands – I mean He’s the One who made Tommy so great ;)

Silas – Oh my Silas boy! How you are growing into such a big and handsome little guy! He has the most charming little eyes you have ever seen! Silas has been a little fussy lately – especially Sunday – the time change is not our friend. I really have no idea how many times I fed that kid that day just to keep him happy. I don’t typically do this b/c I don’t want him to think if he fusses he gets a snack, but I knew his whole schedule was off and quite frankly I was too tired to fight it. While he’s been a little fussy, he is still such a happy boy. He LOVES his big brother to pieces! And that is also an encouragement to Tommy b/c he sees & hears Silas laugh and grin at him and it makes him want to play with him more. Silas started saying “Mama” this week – just jabbering of course and also “Nana”. Kyle said Tommy is now his favorite b/c Silas has chosen his side. (Tommy said Dada first and waited a very long time to say Mama.) The other night I had such a sweet time with Silas and Tommy. Silas is getting pretty active and playful. So I had Silas in the bumbo with the tray on it, he was playing with a couple of toys and patting/banging on the tray, while Tommy and I threw the football (which he is getting super good at throwing and catching…yes sir, my boy can catch. He’s pretty much a pro. Gonna make us millions.) and we played trucks. Both boys were happy and playing and I was thoroughly enjoying it! So much of my time is spent in taking care of the boys that at the end of the day that feels like all I’ve done, I’ve cared for them – changed their diapers, fed them, pacified them, even played with them – but I haven’t really enjoyed it. That might sound terrible to you, or it might sound relatable – either way it’s the truth of how I feel. I know I am caring well for them but I want to enjoy, I know time is already flying by and I don’t want to take it for granted, but it’s impossible for me to enjoy all my time with them. And to clarify I immensely enjoy being with them and being able to stay home with them and care for them – but it’s so busy and one thing right after the other that it’s hard to focus on having “fun”. And I mean when I try to have fun – that’s not when those special times happen, they occur naturally at random times – sometimes it’s a good amount of time like 30 minutes to an hour, like what I just described above, but that’s rare – that’s a long time. Usually we have 10 minutes here or there where I get some good belly laughs out of them, or they just make me laugh b/c they are seriously funny. So when I do have those sweet moments I do try to cherish them! Silas is growing so fast, just like big brother, and I am so thankful God added him to our family – I used to think what will life be like with another one, how will this work – but now I can’t even imagine what it was like before he was here, it seems like he’s always been with us.

Sheeew, Mushy Mondays hopefully won’t always be this long.

Best Chocolate Chip Cookies!!!

So I got this recipe on allrecipes.com - I love that site! Anyhow every time I make cookies they turn out different. I think I may finally have the best recipe, in Kyle and my opinion, figured out. I am writing it to share it and also so I never lose this recipe!!!

First get your dry ingredients together in one bowl - 2 cups of all purpose bleached flour (I don't sift, don't own a sifter), 1/2 teaspoon salt, 1/2 teaspoon baking soda. Mix it with a spoon, set aside.

In a big bowl that you plan to have all your dough in melt 1 and 1/2 sticks of butter. I put it in the microwave for 30 seconds, your goal is not to get it watery melty, it's basically to get it soft and able to mix well with the sugar to create a pastey type yummy substance. Kyle thinks I'm crazy b/c I think the butter and sugar mixed together is delicious! Okay so melted/softenedish butter, add 1/2 cup white sugar, and 1 cup firmly packed light brown sugar. Mix together with a spoon until creamy and yummy. Then add 1 tablespoon of vanilla, 1 egg yolk (I do the yolk only first in case I accidentally mess up and have a second chance at doing it again, but it really isn't hard, it's just an extra precaution), and add 1 full egg. Use a mixer and beat this together - I put it on the 2nd speed and try not to mix too long, just until well blended and beaten. Then I pour in the dry ingredients and mix it with a spoon. Then I stir in the chocolate chips, if you want melty chocolate like us, use semi-sweet, if you don't want melty chocolate use milk chocolate.

Bake at 325 degrees, on parchment paper or on the pan itself - DO NOT BAKE COOKIES ON ALUMINUM FOIL! I did this foreeeever and it makes them cook weird - I'm cheap, parchment paper isn't, but I will never make cookies on aluminum foil again. Bake for 15 minutes (give or take depending on your oven and how you like your cookies). These are the bomb! And what we like to do is make some right away, after I make the dough, but just enough that we'll eat that evening or a few left over for the next day and then refrigerate the rest of the dough and make them through out the week so we can have fresh cookies. MMMM! Hope you enjoy! 

Mushy Monday - Whirlwind of Memories

There are so many things I want to write about, simply because I know my memory will not be able to remember all these sweet moments I am having with my boys! What a blessing that is, too many sweet memories to keep track of them! (Clearly we have our rough times, my children, and I are most definitely far from perfect)


First things first, my little Tom Tom is turning into quite the toddler these days! I put Silas down for his first nap and decided it was time to give our dog Maggie a bath. I had Tommy stay in the bathroom with me while I gave her, her bath and then when it was time for me to dry her off I let him leave the bathroom to go play in the family room. After a couple of minutes I went to check on him and he was just playing with his toys like a good boy. Then a few minutes later when I was done I came out to find him coloring on the floor with his crayons and coloring pages that were on the kitchen table. In other words he had to move the chair, to reach onto the table, got down his toy, and went to town. And there was no crayon on the carpet, just on his coloring pages. I just looked at him shocked and said, “Tommy, did you want to color.” And in his precious little voice, that he only uses to say a couple of words he said, “Yeah.” Oh my word I should have taken a picture but didn’t think about it until much later. I didn’t know if that moment if I should discipline him or laugh…I laughed and I was proud of him. He knew what he wanted, he got it, and he was happy. I don’t want him to get into things he’s not supposed to, especially when I’m not around, which was the other funny part because I pretty much always have my eyes on him. But I also don’t want to over think these things, I want to enjoy him, his curiosity, and encourage him to be independent. It was a sweet “toddler” moment.

Such a goof ball!

He thought since Silas enjoyed the bouncy seat so much, he'd give it a try. He climbs in and out of it all the time now :)

Baby Silas has had quite a big month. He is now officially 5 months old! Woo Woo! Big boy, almost half a year old! Where has the time gone?! Our little handsome guy is finally on a schedule – PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW (I sang that in my head as I wrote it)! He was much more difficult to get on a schedule then big brother Tommy. Silas would not eat at the same time every morning, he would eat really early in the morning like 4 or 5 and then wouldn’t want to eat for a really long time, seriously like 5 hours some times. I would try and try and he just wouldn’t eat. I’m going to list his schedule below so I can remember it. He has also started nursing longer than he used to, which I’m fine with, he was eating a total of 10 minutes but now it ranges from a total of 10-20. Silas has started eating rice cereal and oatmeal, he definitely prefers rice cereal – right now he eats just a little bit, probably about 1-2 tablespoons twice a day, with his lunch feeding and right before bed. He has figured out how to play with the alphabet ball! And he finally rolled over, from belly to back. He definitely isn’t super motivated to roll over but he’s done it a few times, I even got it on video. Have I mentioned yet that we think he might be teething! Aah! I hope not, we shall see. He goes to the doctor this week for a checkup; I can’t wait to see how much he has grown! I love that little monkey to pieces! Here’s baby Silas’ schedule at 5 months:

Typically wakes up between 6-7 and eats and goes right back to sleep (sometimes he skips this and sometimes he doesn’t, it’s a weird transition that seems to keep coming and going)

First official feeding is 9:00AM

Plays for two hours and naps at 11:00AM

Sleeps until 12:30PM

Eats at 12:30 or 1:00 PM + rice cereal

Naps 2:30PM

Sleeps until 4:00 or 4:30PM

Eats at 4:30 or 5:00PM

Naps 6:30-7:30PM

Eats at 8:30PM + rice cereal

Bedtime 9:00PM

*This is his typical schedule, sometimes things are off by ½ hour or so with the feedings and naps and his afternoon nap is the most finicky of them all but he seems to rest better having that little bit of rice cereal with lunch.

Enjoying his first taste of rice cereal!

Learning his alphabet.

Just getting in a little exersauce! Haha - if you're my friend you'll laugh at that joke.

As these days fly by it’s really nice to be able and sit down and actually document the things going on in our lives, because a lot of nights I’m bouncing Silas, singing and praying with him before I lay him down and I think – man I feel like I didn’t spend a lot of time with you today (even though clearly we have spent the entire day together) but with so much going on between these two cuties I feel like my attention isn’t as focused as I would like it to be. But clearly there are a lot of sweet moments and things happening and I’m grateful to be able to see that and remember it here. I love my sweet boys! And please know that I have not forgotten about my wonderful husband. He is without a doubt a huge and important part of my life and I have a huge crush on him! Who wouldn’t?!

Mushy Monday - Time is FLYING by

So pretty much what you read every time you look at this blog, I can't keep up with blogging! AAAH! I think about it every week and almost every week there's at least one thing, if not more, that I want to write about and remember. But I have two kids, two wonderful, precious, cute kids that require a lot of my attention. I am very thankful for them and especially thankful that I get to stay at home with them and pay them a lot of attention.

Here are a few things I want to make sure I record for my memories sake on here, but I have to make it quick b/c Tommy apparently decided not to nap as long today and is crying at his door. He is sleeping in his race car bed now, which he has done awesome transitioning to, so he's waiting at his door for me to come get him. Keep on waiting buddy, mama's got to blog haha! Just kidding I'll make it quick.

1.) TOMMY - Tommy's imagination is coming to life, he's officially a 2 1/2 year old, and it's adorable! And I might add, a little creepy. He likes to wrestle by himself and sign more...to himself...or his imaginary friend?! Not sure, that's the kind of creepy part. Anyhow you have to sneak up to catch him in the act of this, otherwise he gets embarrassed and he stops. He's learning to keep himself entertained and this is the result of that. He throws himself around on the floor, rolls over, laughs, and then signs more in the air and does it all over again. It's hilarious! He's also getting into playing cars, rolling them back and forth to each other. He is starting to "read" books to himself, even signing to himself as he "reads" them. One book has a picture of a star on the outside, he pointed to it (while looking at it on his own) and signed star in the air. PRECIOUS! Tom is starting to like Silas more, still gets jealous and doesn't love for me to pay Silas individual attention or even shared attention when he's around and so we are starting to discipline with that b/c it's getting to where Tommy is trying to tell us what to do and when to stop paying Silas attention. We want to encourage him to be selfless and loving to his brother, and obviously to share and enjoy doing things with his brother. Oh my but one of the sweetest things, Silas was on his play mat the other night, crying, and I was making my way over to pick him up but Tommy beat me to it. He sat right by Silas' head, patted his chest, got in Silas' face to smile and say Hi, trying to calm him down! Melted my heart! Tommy is usually able to make Silas smile just by walking close to him but he was hungry so he cried, Tommy eventually gave up, but it was wonderful to see Tommy caring for his little brother. Tommy is growing leaps and bounds. He is such a big boy! He's learning to feed himself more and more, something that I struggle with b/c he can end up really messy aaah, not my forte! I cannot believe he is already 2 1/2, I love getting to know him more and more! Oh and he also got good news at the cardiologist, the mitral valve is leaking less. So as of this month, October 2012, it is not looking like he will need any further surgeries! I am thankful to the Lord and it makes me feel super happy and joyful and at the same time I try to take it in moderation b/c clearly things can change and sometimes communication gets foggy from one appointment to the next. However I do not want that to limit the Lord's glory and it is an answer to prayer! Praise the Lord!

2.) Baby Silas - words cannot express how much my heart grows for this child with each passing day! I love the stage he is in right now. Very interactive, very smiley, just so stinking sweet! He is blowing raspberries, still not rolling over but close (he has no desire to do so), has a super strong trunk and can prop sit (did you catch that Critter?! we think that term is funny) very well, he likes to make sounds with his mouth and to squeal and laugh. Silas is obsessed with Tommy! Typical little brother admiring the older brother, when Tommy walks towards him he starts laughing. I would say it's safe to say Tommy is Silas' favorite person, and trust me it goes beyond him just recognizing Tommy, b/c you can tell he favors Tom over Kyle and me. It is absolutely ADORABLE! I praise the Lord for this and hope it continues, I would love for them to be the best of friends. Silas is eating rice cereal, we started it shortly after he was 4 months old b/c he started waking up early again and taking super short naps. He seems to like it! Silas is a doll baby! He has wonderful chubby cheeks! I love my boys dearly.

Speaking of loving my boys they are both crying, awake from their naps, so I must bring this to an end. Here's a sweet picture of my precious little ones!

P.S. Shout out to my sister wife Christina! haha Just kidding! Love you!

Mushy Monday - Lots of Love

So I've been dealing with a lot of poop lately. Literally that is. Tommy is having some tummy issues and between him and Silas a large chunk of my day is consumed with cleaning up stinky messes. I've been changing sheets, changing outfits (for Tommy, Silas, and me), doing laundry, etc. etc. But in the midst of all this poop there have been some very sweet moments.

There are two special things that happened yesterday that I hope I never forget. First of all Tommy didn't go to church yesterday  morning b/c we're afraid he may have a little stomach bug so Kyle stayed home with him. Well when I came home from church I was tired and hungry and had to feed Silas right away. And then Kyle started pointing a few things out to me in a very sweet way that he had done while I was at church. He had washed the dishes, emptied the dishwasher, and taken out the trash all while watching Tommy! All just to serve and help me! How sweet is that! And earlier in the week he got a flat tire, second one within a month, so he called work and told them he wouldn't be able to make it, and he purposefully didn't call me so he could come home a little early and surprise me with flowers! Kyle just went back to school this past week so I've really been missing him. I've been trying really hard to be supportive and encouraging but I've had a couple of emotional break downs. It's a big difference in the amount of time we get to spend together - alone and as a family - when he starts back to school, but I know it's hard work for him so I don't want to give him a hard time either. Anyhow he did some special things to make me feel loved and to serve me so selflessly and I love it and appreciate it so very much! Words can't express!

My other sweet and ever so priceless moment was from yesterday evening. I took Tommy with me to Kroger to get a couple of things including Pedialyte. Don't judge me for taking him to the store, I wiped off the cart handle after we finished so no one would catch his bug, if it's a bug and if it's contagious, and we were there for less than 15 minutes. So we get home from the grocery store and I'm sitting on the floor of the kitchen in front of the fridge making room for the things we just bought. And out of no where I feel two little arms come up from behind me and wrap around my neck. I got one of the absolutely best hugs of my life! And in all sincerity I'm not over exaggerating. To feel my precious boy come give me a hug on his on volition, man talk about melt my heart! My heart was overfilled with love and joy at that moment! I thanked him for the hug and then scooped him around, putting him in front of me, and asked for another hug, and he walked towards me and gave me another "squeeze" (that's what we call hugs). And he let me hug him for a good long minute and I just squeezed him and told him how much I loved him and his hugs. This also made me think about the many women who choose to have abortions when they think their child might have Down Syndrome. It deeply saddens my heart to consider this for many reasons. A big one is b/c those women are being so selfish but I felt so sad for them that they chose to never get to experience the feeling I felt when he hugged me. What a loss. Now that hug didn't mean more to me b/c Tommy has Down Syndrome, it just meant so much to me b/c he is my son. Even through all the poop, my boys bring so much love and joy in my life!

Mushy Monday - My Mom

I am so very thankful for my parents and today my post is going to about my mom. This weekend she passed a big exam that she's been trying to pass for a while now and I am so proud of her for working so hard and achieving what she wanted to achieve. And on the other hand I could care less that she passed the exam, it makes her no more valuable in my eyes. That may sound mean but I mean it in a good way, no test or job title could ever make her mean more to me than she already does. But I love her very much so I am truly thrilled for her because I know it means so much to her and she worked so hard at it.

I have the best mom in the world and Tommy and Silas have the best grandma in the world! My mom is by no means perfect but she is extremely selfless and tries very hard to be perfect for us. I have always been close to my mom, sometimes probably too close b/c I wasn't always respectful to her b/c she was such a good friend to me that I didn't treat her as my mother. And now that I am a mom I hate to think about the many ways I have disrespected, ignored, and blatantly disobeyed my parents when I was growing up, and the sad thing was I thought I was a really good kid.

My mom and her siblings had a very rough childhood. And as I think about the things my mom had to go through, going in and out of the orphanage, having parents who loved her but weren't completely capable of showing it, and all the hardships she's endured it breaks my heart. She's my mom, but before she was my mom she was a newlywed, and a teenager, and a little kid. You don't always think about that when you think about your parents, especially before you are a parent. It seriously wasn't until after I had Tommy that I realized my mom is human! Ha! How insane is that? I had this high expectation for my mom that she was never supposed to mess up, never supposed to hurt my feelings, God forbid she be a sinner! AAAH! Thankfully after 24 years of life a light bulb went off in my head and I thought, why am I allowed to mess up but mom's not?! Well she is. And I hope that now I have much more grace in my relationship with my mom than I did as a child and a teenager.

Anyhow I wish that I could go back in time and love my mom as a little kid. I wish that I could swoop in and take her out of her past and provide her with a whole new one where she felt secure and loved and safe at every moment. But the Lord has done a great work in her life. While I know she can't forget or escape her past I know the Lord has used it for good. She is such a great mom and grandma to me and my kids and it has given me a huge desire to adopt some day.

When you have good parents you take them for granted. You may not do it intentionally b/c it is all you know. You have good parents so you don't know what it's like to have bad parents. It wasn't until Kyle worked at a local boy's home which is an "orphanage" but really it's an in between place for foster care and juvie. But when he worked there we saw first hand the vital role a single parent or even both parents play in a child's life. Isn't it crazy to think how one boy who ends up in jail could have had a whole different life if he would have had a mother or father to show him what it means to be a Godly man? The Lord used that job in a great way in our lives b/c it gave us a stronger burden for orphans here in the U.S. when a growing trend, which is a great growing trend by the way, is people focusing on orphans overseas. Kyle and I had been focused on doing overseas missions, which we still hope to do in some capacity, but this job really showed us that our country needs a lot of help in this area.

While I know I can't go back in time and take care of my mom, before she was my mom haha, it does make me appreciate all that she has gone through to become such a wonderful woman.

Mushy Monday - You are my Sunshine

Tonight as a I put Tommy to bed I was remembering when he had his heart surgery. I started a post about his surgery right after he had it but I never finished it...and I don't want to. I want to remember God's goodness to us in his surgery and the blessing of him being able to have his heart fixed, but I don't want to dwell on the details. In one way it feels like he never had heart surgery and almost like it was a dream. On the other hand if I sit and really think about it and go back to those memories, my chest tightens and I get a big lump in my throat. I've always been the kind of person who relives their emotions when they remember things, it can be good and bad thing. In this case I'd say it's a bad thing. Anyway enough serious negativity, the sweet thing I hope I never forget is how each time Tommy would start to get fussy, I'd get right next to his ear (b/c we weren't in a private room, curtains were are walls in the PICU) and I would sing, "You are my sunshine." I sing this to Tommy every day at his nap time. But I have changed the words, first verse is always you are my sunshine, then you are my baby, then you are my Tommy. And I change the end, instead of, "Please don't take my sunshine away," it is "Oh please be my sunshine always".

Anyhow I never really knew if Tommy liked the song, I just sang it anyway. And now I feel like it's his special song, I haven't even sung it to Silas b/c I feel like it would be cheating on Tommy haha! But when he had his surgery, there were times when his medicine would be wearing off, or he was just restless and he would start to fuss and squirm. And I would get right next to that precious ear and start singing and I would rub his head and he would immediately calm down. Oh how I felt that bond of being his mom and him being my son. My voice in a song he was so used to hearing comforted him when nothing else seemed like it would. I feel and felt so blessed to have that connection and ability to love him in that way. I can't even tell you how many times I sang that to him while we were at the hospital but apparently our neighbors, the people on the other side of the curtain, could hear me. Their daughter had gotten a little stuffed duck that sang "you are my sunshine" and they wanted Tommy to see it.

And now at nap time I still sing it to him. I am so so so thankful that he had the surgery and is thriving so well. We can really tell that he is growing so much more now. When he was 12 months old he weighed 19lbs, when he had the surgery he was still right around 19 lbs and he was 22 months old. Now he is 24lbs and growing and he's 27 months. He wore his 12 month summer clothes for right around a year, longer I think, and we just boxed those clothes up and he's moving into 24 month shirts and Pj's but still wearing 12-18 month shorts and pants. But I won't complain about him taking longer to grow, I actually kind of enjoyed it, I got to cherish his young age longer. At the rate Silas is growing, he'll be wearing the clothes I just boxed up from Tommy in the fall.

I know all my mushy posts have been about the kids lately, but they're a huge part of my life, and they bring so much meaning and purpose to my life. I am so glad the Lord has entrusted us with both Tommy and Silas.

Check out our healthy growing boy!!



Mushy Monday - Silas Smiles

Silas has been smiling since he was exactly 4 weeks old. But he is smiling more and more all the time and it is PRICELESS! His whole face lights up! Silas is a very serious baby. He has the nickname: Grumpy (from Kyle), Silas the serious, serious Silas...and so on. He is a studier, he's not a big snuggler, he's very strong and sturdy, and very healthy, aka chunky! Anyway when he smiles it absolutely melts my heart! His eyes smile along with his precious mouth. And those cheeks! Those chubby chubby cheeks raise up and and he has a little dimple on the right side of his mouth. He's so stinking handsome, and his eyelashes are growing. We had a chat the other day, Silas and I did, about how the girls will be chasing him and his big brother, especially with their amazing lashes. But not to worry mommy will fight them off. Silas boy is now 2 months old, we went to the doctor and he's 13lbs 4 oz, 23 1/2 inches long, 98th percentile! That's my baby! Here's a peek at his priceless grins!

Oh my word! How my heart grows everyday with more love for this boy! He is just so stinking precious!

Big Brother and Little Brother

And my precious Tom Tom! My heart is seriously overflowing! I now understand why people keep having kid after kid. It's rough in the beginning but the rewards are such a blessing! I can't believe how Tommy is growing! He is so stinking big! His torso is sooo long! He looks so unproportional in outfits b/c his shirts are huge, to cover his belly (lengthwise not b/c he's fat), and his shorts are tiny b/c he's so skinny they have to be small to stay up, and his little legs are short too. What a blessing Tommy is, I was thanking the Lord last night for how well Tommy responds to correction and discipline. We are trying to teach him not to throw toys, something he's been doing for almost his whole life. He has just gotten too strong so it hurts if you get hit by them and for Silas' safety it's time to stop that "fun" game. But he is doing much better than anticipated with it, and our house is staying much straighter! I hope that all of our children listen and respond as well as Tommy does. And I'm sure as I type this, he'll wake up from his nap and not listen to a thing I say for the rest of the day! haha! That's just how it goes, if you brag about something they do, they usually stop right after!

I love my boys...but now I need a girl ;)

Mushy Monday - Brothers!

Need I say more?! I LOVE LOVE LOVE my boys! Each week that passes by it seems that life is becoming more and more manageable with these two cuties! Oh they melt my heart! My mushy post for today is to remember how Tommy is developing a love for his little brother. He is being affectionate and loving towards Silas all on his own. My favorite is when he doesn't even know we're watching. When we are watching and he knows it, Tommy enjoys the attention and will be sweet to Silas so he can hear us exclaim "AWWW!" But today I was watching from the kitchen while Tommy was playing in the family room, I was watching to make sure he was being careful and not throwing things at Silas, whether it be intentional or unintentional. Anyway Silas was in his little bouncy seat facing the window, Tommy walked behind the seat, rubbed Silas' head gently and just kept walking to his next activity! How precious! Oh how it brings joy and love to my heart! Yesterday Tommy didn't know I was watching and Silas was on the couch, Tommy walked up and gave Silas knuckles b/c clearly Silas' fist hanging out meant he wanted knuckles from his big brother :) I look forward to watching this love, friendship, and brotherhood grow through out the years!



Mushy Monday

Well clearly I am slacking when it comes to blogging but I'm hoping that if I am intentional to write them ahead of time, when I actually have the spare time, that I will start doing better. So life as a mom of two is a lot more work than I anticipated. And that's mainly because Silas was not the happiest camper his first few weeks of life. But I am happy to report that he is doing much better! He has his moments or days when he's fussy but he is now consolable and Tommy is learning to be more patient when he wants attention.

I am actually really enjoying having two boys now. I was very scared the first few weeks b/c to be frank, I was not enjoying it. But it's hard when you have a baby that won't stop crying and a two year old who wants to be loved on and played with and it seems like you can't keep either of them happy. At the time I thought I didn't want more kids but my mind has now changed. I just think we'll try to space them apart a little longer next time, but the Lord may have other plans, we shall see.

Silas is 7 weeks old today! He is such a handsome little guy and he is so sweet. He is smiling, his favorite smiley time is in the mornings, when it's just me and him. Tommy is really starting to like him now, he comes up and gets in his face and smiles at him, gives him kisses, loves on him. But we also deal with Tommy hitting him, not really hard but it's in a mean/I want a reaction from mom and dad, type of way. So he gets in trouble if he does that, or if he intentionally throws a toy at him. He's only intentionally thrown a block at him once or twice and he threw it softly - it was clear he knew he wasn't supposed to be doing it. Oh the life of a rebellious toddler. Tommy is definitely testing the waters these days. And in big news - he now knows how to throw a fit! AAAH! Where do kids learn this stuff?! But we are quick to discipline him in hopes that it won't stick. I mean when I was little I never threw a fit! My mom commented the other day that Tommy was just taking after his mama. I was the baby of four girls, I threw way too many fits. Oh well, we do the best we can. He's a happy healthy, beautiful two year old boy and we love him so much!

It's been so fun for me to watch Kyle and Tommy's relationship change in the past couple of months. Tommy is his daddy's shadow. Kyle loves to play computer games and now he has to shut the door to the office when he goes play or his shadow comes in and takes over the office. Kyle let's him come in for a little while and sit with him, but then Tom gets antsy and starts pulling things off the desk or knocking things over. Anyway this morning Kyle was walking out of the family room towards the office and I said, "Are you going to play a game?" and Tommy responded, "Yeah." Haha it was hilarious! Kyle is enjoying the extra attention from Tommy too. Tommy's at a fun age where he loves to play little games and is very curious about everything. It gives me so much joy to watch Kyle and Tommy's friendship. I love it! Oh and Kyle has also informed me that this "hobby" of video and computer games is going to end up costing us big bucks some day when all three of them need their own computer to play games together. Oh my word!

In other Silas news - he has become more content in the past few weeks, we can actually sit him down in the bouncy seat or swing for a while and he won't cry, which is very nice for the rest of the family. He is a super fast eater, he eats for 10 minutes or less. The other day, during a growth spurt I'm sure, he nursed for a total of 15 minutes! I was shocked! Haha I love that he's a quick eater though, it makes nursing a billion times easier. And his muscle tone makes it waaaaaay easier too! However, Kyle and I both agree that a huge advantage to low muscle tone is a snugly baby. Silas likes to snuggle but he's stiff, Tommy is our little bowl of flexible jello! Tommy actually has decent muscle tone but he isn't rigid. I know it's good for Silas to have good muscle tone but there are perks to lower muscle tone too. Silas is now getting up once in the middle of the night to eat, which is pretty sweet. However he is not the most sound sleeper. He cries a lot in his sleep, so I think he's awake and come check on him but he's asleep. And lately he is not wanting to nap in his bed/bassinet. Oh well, we'll figure it all out with time. One last thing, then I'm getting off her to hang out with my husband for the rest of nap time. We have thought all along that Tommy and Silas don't really look alike, turns out we kind of forgot what Tommy looked like as a baby. I found a few pictures where they look so much alike! The main difference is their eyes, the shape and size. They both have beautiful eyes but they're very different. I was thrilled when I saw they looked alike! I love my precious boys!



Mushy Monday

Well I had the mushiest Monday of my life three weeks ago on May 21, 2012! Our baby boy, Silas Edwin Marlette was welcomed into this world at 6:19 PM, weighing in at 7lbs 13.7 oz, 20" long! We were so surprised when he came out and we found out he was a boy! My feelings kept wavering between boy and girl, and Silas played along perfectly with his heart rate averaging between 145-155. He is beautiful and we are so blessed!

So here's how it all went down - Sunday afternoon I went to a baby shower for my sweet friend Tara where I saw my friend Hannah. Hannah and I met in college but we never really got to know each other that well so this shower was especially fun b/c we got to talk a lot, and we talked a lot about babies! We both have one already and we were both due around the same time. Anyhow she had told me about her water braking with her daughter and I asked what it was like. By the grace of God we had this conversation. She explained it perfectly and the next morning I literally awoke to that feeling! Haha God has a great sense of humor and is so kind to allow me to not only enjoy a good time with a friend but also learn something that was pretty dang important! In all seriousness I never would have even questioned if my water was broken had she not told me what it was like. So around 7:00 AM on the 21st I woke up and told Kyle, "I think my water broke?!" I was really confused and didn't expect this to happen. Needless to say after being up for about 15 minutes I realized my water was in fact leaking. Sorry if that sounds gross, it just wasn't a big event like I had somewhat expected. So Kyle went back to bed, thinking we'd wait until my contractions got close together to go to the hospital, but the doctor said we had to go to the hospital right away. Side note - I would have been 39 weeks the next day, May 22nd, so we were safe to have the baby. So Kyle got up and started getting ready and I did the same. Even though our bags were packed, Tommy's wasn't and there a few last minute things to throw in. I was running around like a mad woman. I wanted to wake Tommy up before we left b/c I wanted to tell him goodbye and hold him before we met his new sibling. We ended up taking him with us to the hospital and my parents met us there to help take care of him and then my sister Jennifer watched him the rest of the day.

We ended up getting to the hospital around 8:45. They confirmed that my water broke, hooked me up to all the machines, and told me they'd give me 6 hours for my contractions to start making a pattern and if they weren't at that point then they'd start pitocin. Well 6 hours went by and I wasn't really progressing. I was completely comfortable, I had some contractions, but they weren't regular or hard contractions. So around 1:00 in the afternoon they started the pitocin. I hate pitocin. My body reacts very strongly to it. But since it took a little bit for my body to show it reacted strongly they kept increasing the amount every 30 minutes to get my contractions going. I think it was around 3 or 4 in the afternoon when I got my epidural, I could be completely wrong on that! Anyway I went in at 3cm and when I got my epidural I was 6cm. And then at 6:00 it was time for baby Silas to come! Delivery was a bajillion times easier this time around, all except for the fact that I forgot the right way to breath when pushing! Haha I felt like an idiot! Silas was out by the third contraction, but if I had been breathing/pushing right I think he would have been out the first contraction! I had absolutely wonderful nurses and a great doctor, even though she wasn't my regular OB. Oh and our mom's (my mom and Kyle's mom) cut the cord! Kyle and I both think it's gross and our mom's thought it was great that they got to cut it!

This time around was a lot different than our experience with Tommy. I got to hold Silas right away and do skin to skin time. It was awesome! He nursed right away and then after a long time of snuggling with his mama, Kyle got to hold him! When Tommy was born, Kyle didn't get to hold him until around 10:00 at night and he was born at 6:06. So this was amazing for both of us! And I feel a little sad for Tommy that he didn't get that same experience but I know he was well taken care of and it was necessary for him not to do that b/c he needed medical attention.

Silas is now 3 weeks old. He is a handsome little guy, with very chubby cheeks! He's very fuzzy and looks a lot like me when I was a baby, but he has some Marlette qualities as well. We are working on a schedule, just when I think we're on a pretty good one he likes to throw me off and get really hungry out of no where! Oh well he's 3 weeks old, we'll get there. Right now I'm just trying to keep him awake for a little while after he eats and we work on the schedule every day. He usually eats every 3 hours, but the past couple of days he's done every 2-3 hours, but I've heard growth spurts come with the 3's and he just turned 3 weeks old and he definitely looks bigger to me! Tommy is doing awesome! I seriously have cried the past couple of nights thanking the Lord for how well Tommy has been behaving for the past several days. He is learning to be more patient and to play more by himself and to be loving to his sweet baby brother. Tommy does get jealous at times, but it is not aimed at Silas, he doesn't act angry towards him or like he doesn't like him. He just wants some attention too. And Kyle and I are both being intentional about trying to spend special time with Tommy and that really helps. Tommy does struggle with being gentle, he has semi-tackled Silas twice in the past week and smacked him in the head with a toy. But in general Tommy doesn't like to pay attention to where he's walking or looking behind him to see what's there, he just goes for it. So that's something new we're working on.

It is definitely a lot, lot, lot, lot harder having two kids than I thought it would be. I'm not a huge lover of the infant stage and I'm trying to savor it b/c I know it's temporary, but that's also what gives me hope. I know now with Silas being our second that it won't always be this hard, or it at least won't be hard in the same way. Tommy is very mobile now so that throws some extra challenges into the mix. He started taking off walking a week or two before Silas was born. And the first few days at home Tommy was super whiney and had some adjusting to do with all the new changes happening. But it is getting better and I am so thankful that Tommy and Silas have each other to grow with!

(Tommy kissing his baby brother Silas)

And by the way I realize it's Tuesday when I'm writing this! haha! Oh well happy whatever day of the week it is, I know I can't keep track of the days any more!

Mushy Monday

There will be two mushy stories in one post today! I have to make up from last week! And they are unrelated so it really is two mushy moments/memories I will always cherish!

First let's start with the fact my baby boy is now a walker! I'm pretty sure it's safe to say he "walks" now. He took his first steps on Valentine's day and has taken many steps since then, but up until this week scooting was still his preferred choice of transportation. Well not any more! I have dreamt about this time in his life since he was an infant. Not so much in a way that I couldn't wait for him to do it, I just imagined what it would be like. What it would be like to walk down the hallway and then turn around to find a little person standing behind me, following me in my tracks. Well this week I experienced that and it melted my heart! It's a little creepy at times but it makes me smile. I will literally see a little shadow quickly walking sometimes and then follows my little man! It is absolutely precious. And I thank the Lord that my son has been able to learn this skill even if at a delayed pace - some mamas never get to see their children walk. It has taken Tommy a longer transition from taking his first steps, back in February, to actually walking. But his physical therapist wasn't too concerned b/c obviously he had heart surgery not even a week after his first steps and that puts a little delay in there. His PT suggested getting him in the habit of walking to do a daily routine, such as walking to his high chair during meal time. Well I tried this and it ended in a screeching baby refusing to stand and kicking his feet. Meal time has not been his favorite lately with his two year old molars coming in and the confinement of a high chair. No worries a booster seat has been ordered and hopefully that will make meal time a little more exciting. (P.S. - it's a super cute booster seat, looks like a turtle!) Anyhow this week I finally found a routine that he LOVES. After we change a wet diaper (which is the majority) he carries it to the trash can and throws it away! He holds onto one of my fingers while we do it and if he drops the diaper (which happens a lot) he bends his knees and picks it up, this is really good practice for him too b/c he's shifting his weight and practicing bending over (something he's not a big fan of, he'd rather sit down, pick it up, and stand back up - but he's doing awesome bending over to pick up his diaper). He loves throwing it in the trash can, then I throw him in the air, tell him good job (really high pitched), and we clap! The boy could not be prouder of himself! I've started asking him when I'm done changing him, "Wanna throw away your diaper?" and he gladly responds with a smile and affirmative noise. That is also something big he's been doing this week - he basically says "yeah" sometimes really clear others a little jumbled but you know when he wants something. He kind of giggles, says a "yeah" and smiles real big. And of course it's followed by a sign for please (mainly at our request) - the boys got to learn manners! So our big boy is now walking around the house, walking more than scooting, following us around! The other night I was on the phone with my mom, clearly not paying the ample amount of attention to my sweet pea, and he stands up out of no where and starts walking towards his daddy's office. Walks right in, goes up to the desk and walks around to Kyle. He knew where he wanted to go and who he wanted to see, and he went! So independent! I am a very proud and joyful mama! He is just getting so big!

Okay Mushy story number two! Completely different. So I'm sure everybody has their routine whenever they take a shower or get ready for bed at night (I realize some people prefer to shower in the morning, but after you shower you usually have a routine - brush your hair, put lotion on your arms or face, etc.) Well part of my after shower or nightly routine is to spray my perfume on. And I know exactly why I do it. My mom did it. I slept with my mom a lot when I was younger b/c I was an extremely fearful kid and she made me feel safe. And she used to take (and still does) baths at night and she would always smell like her perfume at night. It was a comforting thing for me. At one point when I was in elementary school she was in nursing school and had to work nights. So I would take her perfume and spray it on her pillow b/c I missed her. So tonight I was getting ready for bed & I noticed I sprayed a couple of squirts of perfume on - not that Kyle even notices b/c I'm going to sleep - hello sounds like a waste of perfume. But it makes me think of my mom and I liked how it made her pillow smell like her. I don't wear the same perfume as her but I still love the memory and maybe that memory will stick with my kids someday too (even though they aren't allowed to sleep with us, my mom was nicer than me and my dad very sacrificial - when she worked nights he would sleep on the floor next to their bed so I could sleep on my mom's pillow in their bed...spoiled?! NOT ME! ;) But isn't it funny how I'm now 26 years old and I can vividly remember that from when I was only about 7 - it's crazy to think of what our kids will remember about us in the future. I hope there are many good things that I give Tommy and new little baby to remember and love about me!

And I'll end with our little cutie being a ham:

Mushy Monday

I am getting so excited about this little precious baby Marlette that will be here soon! I have been doing lots of laundry, sorting of clothes, reorganizing spaces, and nesting lately! I feel way more prepared, as far as the house goes and clothes go, for this baby than I ever did with Tommy. Obviously I had no idea how/what to prepare for him to come home. We have the pack-n-play all decked out and set up for this little one, it has a bassinet and changing table on top. I washed the swing, bouncy seat, and car seat covers and went through Tommy's old clothes looking for gender neutral options and they are washed and put in the dresser. I have the baby's bag packed, not my own or Kyle's yet but the baby is good to go. We have diapers in the itty bitty precious newborn size. I just bought a couple of new pacifiers for the baby and with some of my birthday money I got a new nursing pillow (just b/c I wanted to have two, one to always keep at home and one to take if we go somewhere, that way if I forget I'll have a back up) and I got a new nursing cover and they are soooo stinking cute! I am thankful that the Lord has given me excitement and joy in preparing for this new one to come b/c up until recently I just felt a little overwhelmed at the prospect of having two little ones but I am sincerely PUMPED and ready to meet little Ella or Silas!

I have started thinking that the baby is a boy/Silas! Kyle and I have joked that the ultrasound pictures, specifically the 4D pictures, make the baby's face look very boyish, but in reality all newborns kind of look boyish so who knows. I have no idea what the heart rate is and in the beginning I thought I was having a girl but about half way through I started having no idea and now I'm thinking boy. The anticipation of not knowing exactly when the baby is coming is exciting and also a little unsettling at times. There's a part of me that would love for everything to happen naturally (meaning no medical reasons to induce, I was induced with Tommy at 38 weeks b/c of high blood pressure, which we really only had about a half of a days notice for that but it was still kind of nice to be able to do some last minute things) and spontaneously but there is a part of me that would like to know when our last little bit as a family of three will be. I have found that I, selfishly, greatly enjoy doing special things to celebrate times/days/events with Tommy and Kyle. Even if it's just planning to get milkshakes and pizza (b/c Tommy loves them, and so do I). I just want to celebrate these two years we've had as a family of three, as Tommy being our first wonderful child, and celebrating the fact that we are growing as a family and welcoming in a new member/child into our home! Oh how fun! We should plan a celebration ahead of time just to make sure we get to do this even if I'm not induced - I'll talk to Kyle about it after I post this :) See I need this blog to type out and plan my thoughts b/c I'm so dang scatter brained!

Selfishly (again) I am also excited to have this baby so I can get my body back to being somewhat normal and hopefully a little more comfortable. I miss comfortable sleep. Trust me I realize I'll be getting less sleep with an infant, but I really look forward to rolling over at night and not feeling like my body is going to split in half down the middle or like I don't need physical assistance to roll over. I have to push off of Kyle's body half the time, so if I roll over 99% of the time I just go ahead and get up to use the restroom b/c it's too much work to waste the momentum I've already used to roll over and not take the opportunity when I know I'm going to have to go later anyway. TMI?! Oh well we all use the bathroom and we all know pregnant women have to go more than others.

I am thrilled at the idea of Tommy being a big brother! I think/know/hope he will be so good at it and love this child so much! I do realize that it might take some time for him to grow attached and protective of his sibling but I think it will be such a sweet experience to watch and to watch over years of life together! Being a parent is so cool, we get to watch these things that they won't even remember, kind of bittersweet, but fun to be the fly on the wall of your childrens' younger years that they won't recall. I am certain that there will be many and I mean MANY discussions of being GENTLE with the baby to Tommy. I have the baby swing and bouncy seat out in the family room with all Tommy's toys. I wanted him to get used to seeing them and kind of play with them so he isn't quite as interested once the baby is here in them. He likes to put his stuffed animals in there but then he likes to swing the swing really hard or shake the bouncy seat violently. Yeah, here's to hoping that gets out of his system before his brother or sister is actually in them. Gentle should be one of the first words out of this boys mouth by the time he starts talking.

I hope and I pray that this new sweet little one will fit into our family well! And having Tommy, who is such a fun and wonderful kid, has really encouraged me in the joy of what it will be like to expand our family - b/c I think of how much he has enriched our lives and if that happens with every kid, what a blessing that will be!

Tommy is Two!!

Can you believe it?! I know I can't! My baby boy who just turned one just turned two! Now I sound like Dr. Seuss.

Our sweet boy is growing leaps and bounds! He is still working on learning to walk better more and more - some days he's really interested and we'll stand up and walk to a toy and then others he wants nothing to do with walking and wants to scoot everywhere. Tommy is just so incredibly smart, strong, handsome, and fun! He is such a joy! He is however still human - let me balance out all my praise with keeping in mind he has become somewhat of a whiner and grunter but that's something that we work on daily. Tommy is becoming more and more social with people and kids and truly brings joy to my heart to watch him grow and do this. He has always been a ton of fun at home with us and people he knows really well, like his Nana and Pappy, but when other people would come around before he'd just go into a "watching" mode and want someone he knew to hold him. Now he is the one who seeks attention at times - especially at the grocery store! Oh my you'd think Tommy knew everyone and all their family at the grocery store and people remember him, they call him their little buddy, and the happy baby! He loves to give knuckles and high fives, but knuckles are his favorite!

He is still our little peanut, he wears some 12 and some 18 months clothes, which I know to a lot of moms must sound crazy considering he's 24 months old. But here's the thing I still have to carry him around so I'm A Okay with him being on the smaller side! Tommy knows probably 50+ signs now, Kyle says he knows more than him. If you ask Tommy where his baby is he will pat my belly. He gives his baby hugs and kisses, but I would say he really doesn't understand there's a baby in there it's just something we taught him through repetition and he's a sucker for any "awwww, how sweet" he can get! He loves to be praised and when people sing and clap - he gets super excited! If we're watching a TV show and at the end there is applause and cheering Tommy likes to join in and it always makes me and Kyle crack up! Tommy is learning to feed himself a lot more. This was more an issue for me than him - I didn't want to have to clean up a big mess all the time but with the new baby coming and with him being 2 years old I knew it was time to buckle down and he's been doing really well with it. I can tell it has helped his fine motor skills a lot. Tommy's favorite show is Signing Times, especially the Silly Pizza song! He also likes Curious George. He is almost done teething, praise the Lord! His 2 year old molars and one final tooth are all coming in at the same time and then I think he should be done until the next molars come which isn't for a few years if I'm not mistaken.

Tommy precious personality comes out more and more each day. It is so neat to find ways to encourage, discipline, and play with him in a fashion that is unique and effective with his own little personality. I laugh about how much Kyle and I thought we knew about disciplining and how we would handle it before we had children. Each baby/kid is a little person and are motivated and deterred by different things, words, or actions and we learn and figure things out day by day. I do love when we find an effective way to discipline or communicate discipline, even with specific words. I am amazed at how much Tommy verbally understands from us, it's mind boggling to me at times. It's so odd b/c he can't say anything to us but he is so good at observing and recognizing words and actions we've repeated over time that it has helped tons in disciplining and teaching him. Every time I say the word discipline please don't get the picture of us spanking him in your mind, most of his discipline is verbal. Sometimes there are actions that go with the discipline if he doesn't listen the first time and it helps get his attention but that comes in various forms too. When he grunts meanly and won't stop when asked I very gently take his little cheeks and squish them where he looks like a fish, he then looks at me and I tell him to stop grunting again. For some reason this works (most times) for him, it calls attention to his mouth, it makes him look at me in the eyes, and he knows what I'm asking him to do. I have told Kyle that I hope our future children are as smart and obedient as Tommy is. The other great thing is when we find something that encourages Tommy to do things - whether it's a game that makes him want to walk more or words that he understands and enjoys us saying to him. He loves for us to call him a funny, silly, or cute baby! He has a very specific "silly/funny face" and any time you ask him - "are you cute? are you funny..." he leans his head back, scrunches up his eyes, and smiles all at the same time! Oh he'll melt your heart! And this kid has an incredible memory! His favorite show Signing Times - he has the order of the sings memorized on the DVD! He'll look at me sign the upcoming sign and then clap his hands to tell himself good job! (This is another thing I love, he has learned to encourage himself which I was actually trying to teach him to do and now he does it all the time!) Over time Tommy has also realized that I keep certain treats in my purse, like fruit snacks, to help distract him at times. So any time he sees me get in my purse he looks at me and signs eat emphatically! He is a riot!

I could seriously sit here and never stop typing talking about this amazing two year old in our life! Tommy has taught me so much about life and love and sacrifice and just pure joy that I can't even begin to tell you what a blessing he is in our lives. How grateful am I to God for choosing us to be Tommy's parents! So happy second birthday sweet boy! We love you more than we could ever say! We are so impressed by you everyday - you make us laugh all the time and you make us so very proud!

Mushy Monday

So Tommy got an Ipad for his birthday/Christmas/surgery recovery from his very gracious Aunt Jennifer and mommy has been having a lot of fun with it! So much fun that I rarely use the laptop any more which has resulted in me neglecting the blog! So sorry! I will try to do better.

I'll start with a quick update on life and then get to the mushy part. Tommy is still recovering beautifully form his heart surgery, you would never even know he had it. My pregnancy is going really well, I'll be 36 weeks Tuesday! Which by the way seems a little insane! I can't believe how fast this pregnancy has gone by and last week I would have sworn I was having this baby before May even came but I feel like I'm starting to settle down a little bit. The Lord has been extremely kind to me in this pregnancy and even still I am feeling ready to have my body more back to normal, even though with nursing and post baby it doesn't feel really normal. And I did have contractions and just exhaustion many times last week. I don't like having a lot to do and physically feeling like I just simply can't do it. And also thinking ahead to, well if I do all of this today I need to realize I'm going to be feeling it tomorrow. Oh in other news I'm now the mom to a two year old! Hello! Where did that come from?! And I just turned 26. Lots of big things happening in this household. I'll have to do a big Tommy post for his 2nd birthday this week! But I don't want to get too off track here.

During this pregnancy/time in my life I have been feeling even closer to my sweet husband Kyle. The other day I just thought about the first time I saw him, the first time we talked, the first time he remembers us talking, etc. I LOVE to think back to that. I find it so amazing that God is sitting in heaven, knowing, "Oh they're getting married some day!" when I'm thinking, "He's cute! Who is he?" haha! Oh goodness and how shallow but fun interacting with your spouse was before you really knew them! Goodness gracious I would get so gitty at Kyle's arm touching my arm b/c we were sitting close to each other when I first met him! Now I have the privilege and joy of getting to sleep next to him every night and I love it! I say that our interactions were shallow back then not to sound negative but b/c until you're married and even have children together - basically just experiencing things in life together over time - you don't know how much you are going to appreciate and love someone. And obviously you can't know that but it's such a fun journey! I really enjoy watching Kyle with Tommy. It has been such a big and obvious example for me to see him grow, change, and mature as a person. Kyle has always liked kids, but he's more of a three years old and up kind of person, b/c kids are easier to play with and interact and of course pick on at that age. I can see how Kyle's comfort level with infants and toddlers has grown immensely and how intentional he is to play and love on Tommy. Can I just say that is extremely attractive in a spouse too! I am so thankful that Kyle is my husband and the father of my children - he is so good at it. He's very calm, level headed, fun, funny, and he balances me out very well. While I give Kyle a hard time b/c there are a lot of the parenting aspects he does not partake in unless forced to, such as changing diapers or feeding or getting up during the night, there is so much that he does that I am so grateful for! He is by no means perfect and he'll tell you I'm not either but he is in fact a wonderful husband and father! I love to think back to how silly, naive, and gitty we were when we dated in college and I am very excited as I look to our future to see how the Lord uses this coming baby to grow and change Kyle even more.

Mushy Monday

So I'm not sure if my last post made any sense, my mom said she didn't really understand what I meant, and I did have to leave the computer halfway through and Kyle is constantly teasing me about how my thoughts don't always flow in a way that makes sense to others, no matter how much sense it makes to me! :)

This Tuesday I will be 30 weeks pregnant! I can't believe it, it's pretty much insane how fast this pregnancy has gone by and a little scary. I got nervous at the end of my pregnancy with Tommy feeling like I wasn't ready and I'm starting to feel that way with this little one. Oh well I have no control over it so I just have to get over it.

Tommy is still recovering really well. He is doing all things the same, some thing even better, like taking steps! That's my baby! And he is finally starting to want to play a little rougher; before surgery he loved to play rough and obviously we've been avoiding rough housing but one time I tried to gently play rough and he wasn't having it and now he's trying to initiate it.

On a not so fun note he is sleeping horribly at night. Last night I had a mini-break down b/c I was just so exhausted from the past several weeks of inconsistent sleep for him. The Lord has made me, like many moms I know, where I am able to happily function on less sleep when I need to; however, when that is prolonged over several weeks, I don't do well with it.  I also think that Tommy now has some acid reflux stuff going on and that could be related to the sleep issues, but I'm calling his doctor tomorrow to see what I can give him for it. He started having "juicy" (eeeewwww I know that sounds disgusting) burps a few weeks before surgery and they seem to have progressively gotten worse and even lead to spit up, and he only eats solid food and was not a big spitter upper when he was younger. I don't even know if you would still refer to that as spit up or as a mini-throw-up. Either way it's nasty and I'm sure he isn't enjoying it. And this baby mama over here is having some major heart burn but thankfully Zantac helps tremendously. It just came out of no where a couple of weeks ago.

But amidst all of the trying things recently - a fussier boy, a sleepy boy & mama, acid reflux, teething, etc. we have had some very sweet times.  Tommy is just so stinking adorable and he truly does still melt my heart. Not in the exact moments of whining and needing to be disciplined, but through out the day there are always moments that I look at him and I am so thankful God entrusted him to us. I truly love him for who he is. I love his precious personality and sense of humor. This kid is funny, he will make you laugh just by laughing. He is getting so strong and taking steps so well. Most of all I have recently been amazed at just how smart he already is. I knew hardly anything about Down Syndrome before we had Tommy, I had encountered a few people through out my life who had it but didn't know them all that well, so all of this is learn as you go. And I told Kyle the other day that Tommy already knows and understands more than what I thought he would. I bet it's like that with the vast majority of people with DS it's just a matter of the environment you know them in and how well they can communicate what they know. We find ourselved laughing and amazed at his reaction to knowing things when we don't even remotely expect it. This is just a very small one but today we were at a store and I picked up a random thing of bubbles to see if I should get them (Tommy LOVES bubbles) and Tommy just said, "Bub, bub" which is what he says for bubbles at home. I was so proud of him b/c they didn't even look like typical bubbles but he knew exactly what they were. And he was watching his little Signing Time dvd later (he LOVES the first few dvds, not a fan of the newer ones though) and they were teaching the sign for "full" and they had an animation of a table with all the food eaten and Tommy just kept signing "all done" to the TV! Haha! He is too cute!

We took Tommy back to church for the first time today and kept him in the service with us. I was fully anticipating having to leave and go with him to the nursery to play b/c I never thought he would sit quietly through the service. Yeah that's right, my baby sat through a whole church service and was so so so good! It may have just been a one time thing but hey I'll take it! We just have another week or two before he can be picked up under his arms again and then he will return to the nursery to play with his friends.

Oh and in case you didn't realize it my baby, will be two years old in less than a month! Oh my! It blows my mind, I feel like we just had his first birthday party! We love our sweet boy and he brings so much joy and meaning to our life!



Mushy Monday, what up?!

So it's been a while since my last Mushy Monday post but I've been pretty dang busy! Tommy had his heart surgery Feb. 22nd and is doing UH-Mazing! Praise the Lord. So obviously that's what my post is about today. I am so so so so times a bajillion thankful that his surgery is over and behind us and that he is recovering so well! The doctors basically said patients don't do any better than what Tommy has done. Such a blessing. But to be honest I have a confession amongst this. While I am beyond thankful for how well Tommy has done and is doing I have seen the very sinful and prideful side of my heart that I do not like.

I have learned so much about "feelings" this year and I've mentioned it many times in posts. I have sinful and wrong feelings. And post surgery is no different. I have felt confused by the idea of why God chooses to allow some kids to recover and to recover so wonderfully from heart surgery, while other sweet children are taken from their parents, even when it is into His glory. And on the flip side I have felt very entitled that the Lord should have allowed this to go so smoothly, b/c after all He could have fixed it, or made Tommy without that heart problem to begin with. The confusing feeling I know is answered by the fact that God's will is not ours, and His is perfect, and it is beyond gracious that those precious children are in His glory. The big struggle for me has been my feeling of entitlement. While I know God did not have to allow Tommy to do so well, I feel like He should, after all it's the least He can do right?! Wrong. I don't deserve it, Kyle doesn't deserve it, Tommy doesn't deserve it. We're sinful, we're no better than the other families that don't experience such easy recoveries. While that's the truth, that's not the way I have felt. And during church today I realized something, I apparently have been angry with the Lord, even though I didn't "feel" like it. I just felt unhappy with His decision, but my reaction of entitled grace revealed to me that I was mad. I have prayed and repented of this many times b/c I know that it's wrong and I felt like the Lord began to help me understand it better today. I was thinking about my relationship with Kyle. Kyle cares for me so well, especially in times of need or when I'm hurting or scared. He jokes around a lot and teases me but in serious times when I need him to be there for me, he always, always is! And that is something that I have come to expect of him but it's also something I appreciate from him, so much that I just cried typing that b/c I love and cherish and need that from him and he provides it. Well I was thinking about how I was expecting God to allow Tommy to do well and that part I don't think was wrong, I know God's character, we too have a relationship where He is there when I need Him (which is always). I was comparing my relationship with Kyle to my relationship with the Lord. But then I thought when it came to God, I didn't have that overwhelming feeling of appreciation once it was over and Tommy was doing well. And that's how I realized I was mad. It's kind of like a situation where if Kyle was the one to make me mad to where I needed comfort, I don't feel so grateful for that comfort, I feel like I deserve it, b/c after all whatever happened was his fault anyway - so now he needs to care for me. Sounds bratty but hopefully you catch my drift. Well apparently that's how I was looking at this situation with the Lord - You should bless my son and allow him to recover after all it is Your fault it happened to begin with. Feel free to judge me at this point. I was being a brat and I was 100% wrong and I confessed that to the Lord before I completely understood it and again after I've come to a better understanding. God is so good and His will is perfect and far better than what I could choose. And obviously He is using these experiences as a mother to grow and change me and make me more aware of my sin.

Overall Tommy's surgery was much easier to handle than we expected, even from the emotional side, and we attribute that to God's grace and to the many sweet family and friends who prayed for us and our sweet boy during that time. Thank you all so much! I have started a very detailed blog about his actual surgery but in all honesty most people probably won't want to read it b/c it's pretty lengthy and I only go to the part when the surgery was completed. But maybe some day I'll finish it and post it up here, it already seems like such a distant memory, and for that I am grateful! Not picking Tommy up under his arms has been easier than expected, not always convenient, but it's becoming a new temporary normal. Hope you all have a very mushy monday!