Tommy's new tricks

So pretty much in the past month our little boy has started to do so many new things and it's been so fun and such a joy to watch him grow and flourish.  He is walking with his walking "toy" all by himself and he LOVES it. It's still has to be an intentional thing that we do though, and at times he has to be coerced with a book, but once he gets going he squeals and laughs while he walks. He gets around so fast, he moves like a little monkey. He sits down and leans forward on his hands and swings his butt in whatever direction he wants to go. Everyone tells us they love to watch him move. Tommy's getting really good at his aim when it comes to throwing things, he'll use a small toy to knock down a tower of blocks and can usually hit it dead on. He's pulling up on everything and is getting super fast at cruising along whatever it is he's pulling up on.  His speech has grown tons in the past month - he signs more all the time now, he is trying to verbally say the word more, he says MAMAMAMAMAMAMAMA! FINALLY! While I'm super thankful he's saying it, it wasn't quite as exciting as I thought it would be b/c it was kind of gradual. He started making the "mmm" sound forever ago and then every once it a blue moon it sounded like he was saying ma. Then came, mawwm, followed by mama! And it is now his favorite sounds to make - that part makes me very happy! He now knows the sign for daddy but has no interest in signing mama. He can say dada but goes through phases where he says it a lot and then stops, and since mama is the new favorite sound dada and baba/byby have taken a back seat, but trust me they had their day. Tommy will point to your eyes, nose (his favorite), mouth, and ears. He knows where his belly and his head are. Funny story from Christmas weekend - we have never asked Tommy where his head is or taught him where his head is but he was playing at my in-laws' house and his Grammy saw him playing with a little table that wasn't very sturdy. So she went and moved it and told him, "I have to move that so you won't bonk your head." And out of no where he starts patting himself on the head! We started cracking up and clapping our hands telling him, "Yes, head! Good job!" Then we asked him several times after where his head was and he kept patting his head. He's so stinking smart, and pretty dang cute!

Tommy was not interested at all in opening his presents. I thought he would be, but he just wanted to move around. He did however get excited when we got home and I was taking all the toys out of the boxes and wiping them down. I'd throw them to him on the floor when I was finished. And at one point he came over to the couch, pulled himself up in front of a couple of toys that were still in the box, and was signing more! Haha he wanted more toys to play with! He cruised down the couch to my lap and took the toy I was wiping off out of my lap!

Tommy loves to sign more, but is starting to get upset when you tell him all done or no more and he still wants more. One of the cutest things is when Kyle tickles Tommy or plays with him, and in between tickles Tommy will look up at Kyle and put his hands high in the air and sign more to him, b/c he wants Kyle to keep tickling him! Precious, precious boy!

Okay I will leave you of a video of Tommy's signs. And one of him walking with his toy (it's a walker his Physical Therapist is letting us borrow)



Mushy Monday?!

Even though it's Tuesday it doesn't sound like a catchy title to say Mushy Tuesday. And I think mushy is kind of a weird word - it reminds me of squishy and in that sense kind of grosses me out.

This week I want to talk about how thankful I am for our church. A few weeks ago on a Wednesday night I decided to keep Tommy with me for our church business meeting b/c he had broke out in a rash on his chest and belly. I was 99% sure it was an allergic reaction to raspberry juice but just to be safe I didn't want to the other kids to be exposed. (He had no other symptoms and it looked like an allergic reaction, big welts) Anyhow it was a lot of work. I was trying to keep him quiet and sitting still in my lap, Kyle was working so he wasn't there for me to pass him off. It was pretty exhausting. This experience made me so so so grateful for our church nursery and all the people who work in it. Honestly if there were no church nursery I don't think Kyle and I both would be able to go to the same service between the ages of like 6 months to 3 years old (and that's being generous). But thankfully our church family serves each other well by serving in the nursery.

Tommy has also grown to know and love the nursery workers during Sunday School. Josh and Emily serve consistently in that class and Tommy now knows them. Which I really love! I think apart from Tommy's therapists they are the first two people he's come to know, remember, and like apart from family. He remembers them and he doesn't even cry when I leave him in there with them.

The sweetest thing happened this Sunday morning though. Tommy could tell we were going some place and didn't even want to finish his breakfast, he was ready to go. Well when we pulled into the church parking lot he got so excited! He was screaming/squealing in excitement when I was getting him out of the car seat. It made me so happy to know that he recognized where we were and that he enjoys being there.

And then when I went to pick Tommy up Emily told me that Tommy had walked with the walking toy all by himself four different times! His walking "toy" at home that he walks with was given to us to borrow from his PT and is a very sturdy walking assistant. Basically that means that Tommy is learning to walk even better b/c he was able to walk with a regular toy that isn't as sturdy as what he's used to. And all the people that saw him do it in the nursery were bragging on him and telling me about it. It was so encouraging to me to know my sweet boy walked so good and then to have our friends celebrating with us over his accomplishments.

I am thankful for our church for many reasons, and not just for the ways they can serve us, but that we get to serve along with such wonderful friends and to know that they are intentional to love our children.

20 Months of Tommy

Lots of blogging between yesterday and today. But I had to do a quick one on our Tom Tom who was 20 months as of yesterday.  In the past two weeks he has started doing so so so much. It seems like out of no where this boy is just taking off.

He is cruising wonderfully! He gets faster each day. He is pulling himself up in any place he has the opportunity. He is kind of walking with his walking toy (he only needs help keeping it from going too fast). He is appropriately signing the word "more" he had his own version of the sign before and would only do it occasionally when eating. Now he will do the right sign and he does it when he's playing too. He's dancing and enjoying music. He seems to be out of his shy stage for now, I'm sure it will return. He's been a huge daddy's boy for about a week now. He has mastered giving high fives and even double high fives. He knows where our eyes, nose, and mouth are, and he knows where his thumbs are. His receptive language is so strong and continues to grow. He will say "mama" or "mom" every now and then but usually only when something is wrong or he's whining. He scoots around on his butt or rolls to get where he wants to go, occasionally he'll belly crawl. He only naps once a day now, which can be tricky depending on the day. He's still a wonderful eater and drinker as long as he isn't teething. He holds his cup all by himself now when he drinks and we're working on teaching him to hand it back to us when he's finished (as opposed to throwing it). We're starting to work with using a spoon, where he holds it, while he eats and he thinks it's so fun. But we are no where close to being able to put a bowl or plate on his tray where he can reach it, he just thinks it's there for fun to put his hands in and throw. I think he's getting better at understanding discipline for the most part, he will typically stop if I can him to stop doing something, but he might only stop for a few seconds and then try again; it's a big improvement b/c I can see with his eye contact and facial response that he's intentionally listening and stopping even if it's only for a second. I think I had a little too high of expectations in disciplining before. Tommy is really into books right now, he loves turning pages, closing books, kissing the pages. Tommy is very good at learning transitions in his physical therapy activities (for example he knew how to sit himself down before he knew how to stand up on his own, this is helpful when your child learns to stand b/c they have to know how to get down. And more recently he just turns naturally when he's cruising along our sectional couch. Some kids have trouble figuring these things out but Tommy has been blessed with a natural ability to just do it) He's also really good at falling properly, sounds weird - especially if you aren't a parent, but when he's doing something and starts to fall he just rolls into it. So far, thank the Lord, no big, hurting falls b/c of his stunt man abilities. His attention span is growing when it comes to playing with a specific toy or a specific game and he's also getting way more interested in the TV, he sat with me the other day and watched a whole episode of Curious George (he was also teething so he may have just needed some snuggle time).

Tommy has so many sweet characteristics and quirks to his personality that keep us constantly entertained.  Oh how blessed we are to be his parents. God spoiled us by giving us such a wonderful and for the most part easy boy to take care of.

This weeks mushyness...

I was watching Tommy play a little bit ago and he was taking this little ping pong size ball that goes with one of his toys, putting it up on the coffee table and watching roll around and off the table with such precious concentration. This week he has figured out how to pull himself up to standing at this table, he used to just pull himself up to a kneeling position. Well every since he's been able to kneel there he has loved putting his mouth on the table. He even bites it sometimes, and has some teeth scratch marks along the edge of the wood. 

The sweet part about this is that this isn't just any coffee table, Kyle made this coffee table with his two hands. He spent hours cutting, piecing, sanding, and shaping this masterpiece of a table. Kyle is a perfectionist so this table does not look like it was made by an amateure woodshop student.  It looks like a nice table you would pay lots of money for in a furniture store. Kyle took two semesters of woodshop during his last year of college and he really enjoyed it. I remember when he brought his first project home for the end of the first semester, it was a beautiful end table, he had it covered in a sheet or towel and he had to explain to me how to take care of it, and how to pick it up if I was to move it, etc.  He had spent a lot of time and energy into making this table.  Well then came the next semester and I had always wanted a coffee table b/c for some reason we never had one growing up (which I think I figured out why, they take up a lot of room in the middle of the room).  So Kyle made me a nice, big coffee table.  He was careful when he brought it home, we did not put our feet on it (for a while).  Needless to say these were two valuable pieces of furniture to Kyle b/c he knew how hard he had worked to do them and was pleased with his finished product.

Well when Tommy first started trying to chew on the table, I'd always stop him and say, "No, no Daddy worked hard to make this table. Don't chew on it." Once I saw the teeth marks were already there I just kind of gave up on it (they aren't very obvious either). And the table it just Tommy's height, so I know why he'd love to play with it. Now he loves to throw his toys up there, and he throws them hard. He bangs with his drumsticks on the table. Thankfully Kyle chose a beautiful grain and type of wood that is very durable.

But I told Kyle the other day that he might as well just accept it, this coffee table is going to end up being our kids table and we might even end up getting little chairs to go with it b/c it really is the perfect height and size for a kid's table. He just shrugged his shoulders and said, "Probably so."

Oh how I love that our priorities have changed. Those little teeth scratches will someday bring joy to my heart!  He's going to grow up and get big and I'll quickly forget about these precious days that we have together, but I will cherish those little reminders around our home and on our furniture that he left behind. Tommy knows he has to leave his mark. And with his new brother or sister coming I'm sure there will be many more teeth marks, and probably even worse things, to mark that they've been here.



Fearfulness

One of my more apparent big weaknesses and sins is being overly fearful. I have struggled with this all of my life. Growing up I was constantly afraid of being home by myself and someone breaking into the house, or even if my parents were home, someone breaking in and hurting them and me being left alone not knowing what to do with a strange attacker coming after me. It sounds so weird to type that out, but I was seriously afraid. In fact one time, I think I was around 8th or 9th grade, I remember I was home sick during the day by myself (I clearly wasn't that sick or I wouldn't have been home by myself). My dad and mom both worked close to home and my dad would come check on me at lunch. Anyway we lived in what I think people refer to as a quad-level house. Most of the bedrooms were upstairs and the family room was downstairs - well I was in the family room watching TV and I heard a big bump noise upstairs. I knew it was an intruder. B/c logically an intruder would choose to get a ladder, climb on top of our porch roof, then somehow break into the window, and climb through to break into our house. (Before Kyle logic rarely entered my brain). No I knew someone had broken in, I heard it. So I sat completely still for a few minutes (probably really seconds) freaked myself out even more as time went on; grabbed the cordless phone, ran out the front door, called my dad and sat on the neighbor's front porch until my dad got there.

There was no intruder - the globe of my fan (the glass thing that covers the light bulb) and fallen off and rolled across the floor. I really didn't feel that silly either. After all something really did make the noise. There had been so many other times I'd gotten scared and worried but had no real reason other then psyching myself out.

Anyway my fearfulness continued and continues through out my life. It wasn't until a year or so that after Kyle and I were married that I recognized this as a sin. I was not trusting the Lord or His Word as to what or who it says I should fear. God does not say I should fear a crazy, scary, strong, killer man - He says I should fear Him. And He also says that if He is for me, then who is against me? So around that time I started finding verses and writing them down, I didn't really memorize them but memorized the main point of them. Also I remember one night when I was home by myself thinking, Satan doesn't have to even work at getting me to sin - I completely do it on my own. I scare myself, I need no help with that. And I also thought about how the Lord protected Paul while he was in prison, and I was scared being at home, in the free country I live, with the gun we're allowed to keep for protection. So very silly.

Well the Lord has been very kind to me and granted me grace to be able to handle with the fear of intruder breaking into our home. I still struggle with it from time to time but overall Kyle and I can both see the Lord's goodness to me in this.

But I've recently discovered that this fear has moved. Ever since I've had Tommy, I've had an outrageous fear of something happening to him - mainly in his sleep. I realize this sounds crazy - I'm just being honest with you. I have been so scared of SIDS, but really I've been scared of not having control over his safety. And then of course that means I am fearing b/c I'm not trusting the Lord. I fear the Lord will choose to take Tommy away from me. For a while I would go check on him every couple of hours while he slept to make sure he was breathing. But that resulted in waking him up sometimes and I had to learn to stop that. I would have tons of dreams right after he was born that I put him in bed with me and then I couldn't find him. I would wake up and have a wad of blankets cradled in my arms, thinking "this is too light to be Tommy!" And here's the thing I never put him in bed with us but for some reason my subconcious was overtaken by the thought. So recently I've been praying for the Lord to help me to trust Him more, and to change my mind to think of being grateful for the time I have with Tommy - with any of my loved ones for that matter.

This year has brought about a lot of loss, not necessarily for my family, but for many friends we know - there have been children who've passed, grandparents, parents, spouses. And it was actually another mom, who lost her three year old son, who helped me realize how backward my thoughts were. She didn't say anything to me directly, but it was her posts on facebook that spoke of their family's gratefulness of the time they had with him that really touched my heart. Sadly I thought, that wouldn't be my first thought - to thank the Lord for the time He gave me. I thought I would be thinking, "Why? We needed more time. We deserved more time." But that's not reality, God is good and He is sovereign, and it is a gift the time that we get with those we cherish.

I can already see some little ways the Lord has helped to change my way of thinking and to calm my irrational fears. And to think about enjoying and being thankful for each day I have with my family and friends who I love so much. I've wasted so much time fearing such frivilous and silly things; I'd rather rejoice in my time. I hope to rejoice in a great, sovereign God; an amazing growing family; and the many friends we are blessed to know.

Encouraging news!

Today Tommy had his 18 month check up - even though he'll be 20 months in 6 days! We had to reschedule his appointment b/c he got strep and was on an antibiotic for a couple of weeks.  Anyhow this doctor visit was such a blessing! First of all Tommy did great! He was such a big boy and was so sweet to the doctor. I have mentioned his pediatrician in the past and I'm a big fan of his. I like him for many reasons and today is a great example of why.

I was feeling very uncomfortable with how we left things at the cardiologist last time and I was very confused. I called to try and get clarification from the cardiologist but I was still pretty lost. I understand (as much as I can as untrained professional) what is wrong with Tommy's heart, his cardiologist does a wonderful job at explaining that! However, we were on different pages when it came to the topic of when Tommy would have surgery. So after our conversation he kindly suggested that we move Tom's appointment up 3 months and make sure we're the last appointment of the day so we can take our time and have any questions answered that we need.  He was very sweet at wanting to accommodate this frazzled mom. Well I had told Kyle that I was planning to talk to the pediatrician about it b/c he's been along with us too for the whole ride and I wanted to see if it made better sense to him then it did to me. And it did, and he explained it so clearly.

Basically he said the information he got from Tommy's last cardiologist appointment showed that the ASD has gotten smaller. Did our cardiologist say this, no. But Kyle thinks he didn't mention it b/c he doesn't want to get our hopes up that it will close on its own and we still understand that the likelihood of that is extremely slim (but we know God can do great things). And the pediatrician agrees that Tommy will ultimately have to have surgery but it's an encouraging sign it's smaller, b/c the smaller the patch they have to put in, the better that is for Tommy.  And he also said perhaps as Tommy grows the bottom part of the Atrial wall will grow up and possibly allow for a heart cath instead of open heart surgery! Now I say this telling you that he does not necessarily think that's what will happen, but it is something to pray for. And to be honest - I am just so excited to hear the ASD is smaller! It's still significant, it's still surgery worthy (trust me we've seen the echos and the hole looks big), but we'll take what we can get! We thank the Lord so much for the improvement, no improvement is insignificant!

Then I asked the pediatrician for clarification as to what kind of growth deficiency they look for to know if the heart is causing issues. And he said HUGE growth deficiency, almost to the point of wasting away, and it wouldn't just be physical we'd be able to notice he'd be missing milestones, and he said it would be really obvious to us. He said Tommy is doing amazing. And he said that, that's probably where the big miscommunication was between the cardiologist and us occurred - most babies with this heart defect and down syndrome do not thrive this well. So he explained that the cardiologist was just preparing us for what usually happens and that Tommy is just beating the odds.  Tthe cardiologist had also told us that Tommy is doing better than expected and he is very pleased with his progress but for some reason coming from the pediatrician it sounded way more encouraging. I wish he could join us for our heart visits!

We don't want to get everyone overly excited or give false hope that Tommy won't have to have surgery. But we want to make sure we're giving the Lord glory for His goodness and for hearing our prayers. Recently I've started adding to my night time prayer with Tommy that if it's the Lord's will for Tommy to have surgery that He would give us wisdom as to when he should have it, and before we were thinking sooner rather than later (and by sooner we still mean years, not months) and I feel like He helped guide us in that today. If we know Tommy's heart is showing improvement, that gives us much more of a reason to wait.

Over all we are thrilled with this news and Kyle and I both feel so encouraged. I am sure the cardiologist has gained wisdom over the years that as he does not know each set of parents and how they will react to different news that he is cautious with what information he shares and how he shares it. But our pediatrician knows us a little better, we see him way more often and he knows how I handle Tommy from a medical aspect. So I think he either knew we could hear that and not put too much hope in it or he just thought we already knew and that the cardiologist had told us. Either way I'm glad he did. It's so silly but it did make me feel like, "God you really are listening! Thank you!" I know that the Lord hears my prayers but how awesome it is to see Him hear them. Thank you for joining us in lifting our sweet boy up in prayer and for celebrating with us in all of his accomplishments.

Go Tommy, Go Tommy Go!

I'll go ahead and apologize for being super repetitive and annoying in this video - but clearly the video is not about me.

Mushy Monday

Who's baby learned to dance this week?! Oh yeah - that's my babeh! His dance move - waving his hands in the air like he just don't care!!!

I have to get a good video of this for you all! Check back later in the week and I'll try to have one posted!

If I say, "Go Tommy, Go Tommy, Go!" Tommy will throw his hands in the air and shake them back and forth - I love it and he loves it! The other night we were in a restaurant and I didn't even notice the music playing and Tommy started "dancing." LOVE IT!

I have been hoping that this boy would like music and like dancing - but until recently he had shown very little interest.

He is also starting to cruise along the couch! My sweet boy is getting so big and he is such a joy! I am really excited about him being a big brother too! I think I'm one of the frew who are okay with and even enjoy their babies getting bigger b/c I love seeing more and more of Tommy's personality and who he is and is going to be.

So very thankful!

I love Thanksgiving! One friend put on facebook something about how it's a fun, family, food filled holiday where nobody gives anyone gifts! And it's so true - we all get together, enjoy good food, and fun family time but no pressure of gift giving or gift receiving and it's a time to remember to be thankful.

I was thinking late Thanksgiving night for all the many things I have to be thankful for. First what comes to mind is my sweet family of Kyle and Tommy, and now baby to be. I absolutely LOVE and cherish my time with Kyle and Tommy. Kyle is so attractive, funny, genuine, masculine, a great leader, an amazing father, handy, smart (common sense and book smart), and so much more. Tommy is just a joy - his smile lights up my day repeatedly, his laugh makes me laugh, he loves me as his mom and his friend, he's a boy through and through - he already loves to wrestle (in a modified baby/toddler version), he's so smart and handsome, he already tries to hold his own when he's being told no (not necessarily a good thing but part of his personality that I will still love), he's so silly, and I can't imagine where we would be without him. As Tommy gets older I find us having more and more family time, where Kyle and I play with Tommy together, and oh do I love this! It's so much fun and I just feel like it creates such sweet moments to keep tucked away in my memory. And I'm getting more and more excited thinking about Tommy having a sibling - I'm well aware that the first few months will be a juggling act; but in the long run I love that Tommy will have a sibling close in age and I hope that we can encourage them to be close friends. Also, it's fun to see Tommy becoming Tommy and no longer just a baby, so I look forward to seeing who this little person will be as well.

I'm also thankful for my immediate family outside of Kyle and Tommy. For my mom and dad - we are so blessed to live in the same city and to get to spend so much time with them. And they sacrifice so much time, energy, money to host Thanksgiving for a big family event so all of us can come and enjoy the holiday together. My parents are the greatest - if you know them, you know I speak the truth. And I'm thankful for my three sisters! I love when we're all in the same city and get to hang out and spend time with each other's families. Jennifer and Dave we get to see most often b/c we live in the same city and it's so nice, we wish the other two couples would move here too! Jennifer is just craaazzzy over Tommy and spoils him rotten. She goes through Tommy withdraw if she hasn't seen him often enough. But we love their company, Dave has a great laid back nature and Jennifer dances like a mad woman just to get a laugh out of Tommy. Jeanne and Jody are so sweet and expecting their little boy very soon! They will be amazing parents and we cannot wait to meet him! They are always so much fun to hang out with and I'm always thrilled when I know they're coming into town. Julie, Brian and Eliza are such a blast too. Eliza and Tommy are close in age so it's fun for them to have time together to play - sometimes Tommy loves to play with Eliza and other times he acts like she has cooties but she just LOVES him and it's so precious. (She really loves everybody though, she's a very outgoing little girl) Brian and Julie always make me laugh and I love when Julie comes for random trips and we get to have lots of playdates together! And I'm going to be so jealous when Julie and Jeanne get together all the time with their two little ones and I'm stuck here, without them and their babies. (Jennifer that means you have to quit working and come hang out with me and Tommy and new baby, so I'm not sisterless during the day)

And the other big thing I'm thankful for is close friends who love me and don't judge me. It is so encouraging and also freeing (sounds weird but I'll explain) to have friends who you know you can talk to about your sin and they aren't going to think differently of you b/c of it but they can help you think through it. When I say freeing, I mean b/c you can literally think what you are sharing with them is embarrassing and stupid, but you don't feel embarrassed and stupid when you tell them. Does that make sense? If you have a friend like that then it should make sense to you. It's a pretty awesome gift to have someone who isn't your spouse and hasn't made a life long commitment to you, to know you - sin, stupid, embarrassing you - and all and still love you and even like you.

Now we know I'm not going to leave out my thankfulness for love and grace of God. Selfishly I thought about how all the above things wouldn't be there if it weren't for the Lord. They physically wouldn't be there b/c nothing would be created, but what I really mean is none of those things would be the same. My relationship with my husband, son, family, and friends would all look so different. So I'm thankful we have the bond of Christ to deepen and strengthen our love for each other. And selfishly I'm thankful we can all be saved by the blood of Christ and not fear death or hell b/c of the sacrifice of Christ. While they are selfish thanksgivings to the Lord - they are still b/c of God's glory.

It's time for another one...

Another baby that is! Tommy is going to be a big brother in May! We are very excited and look forward to adding another sweet child to our family. I am just at 13 weeks; we had an ultrasound around 8 weeks and everything looked good and I had a belly check last week and the heartbeat was strong. I've been feeling much better than I did when I was pregnant with Tommy, thank the Lord! I do get a lot of headaches when I'm pregnant, but have discovered taking benadryl ASAP helps a lot.  Sometimes the benadryl doesn't quite get it though and my sweet husband rubs my shoulders to help. (Apparently tension headaches are super common for preggo women.)

Tommy has no clue I'm pregnant. He's a very intelligent little guy but that's just beyond his comprehension at this point. We did however use him to announce our pregnancy. We put a fake tattoo on his arm that said "Big Bro" and took a picture of him and sent it out in the mail to our family. Most people were a little suspicious when they saw they had mail from us, b/c we don't usually send out random mail.  It was a fun way to tell them though - on the front of the card it said "Tommy got his first tattoo!" then they opened it to find his picture and a message asking them not to tell anyone but call us when they got it. It was a long day waiting for people to check their mail but also pretty nice not having to make individual phone calls one right after the other. I remember making sooooo many calls when Kyle and I got engaged and when we were pregnant with Tommy - it's a lot of fun but a lot of work. So we took the lazy way out, we let Tommy tell everyone and calls excited calls trickled in through out the day. The first phone call was from my parents b/c Tommy had spent the night with them - the day after we put the tattoo on. Well I tried to get the tattoo off before he went over there but it was a pretty untemporary tatoo - I think he wore it for a good 3 weeks or so. (Side note - we learned rubbing alcohol takes temporary tattoos off nicely) Anyhow, my mom went to give Tommy a bath that morning and found the tatto. At first my parents were confused and then my mom said, "She's pregnant. Call Jill and ask her if she's pregnant!" So my mom and dad called - both on the phone at the same time. And I just laughed it off and said Tommy wanted a tatoo. Then I kept changing the subject - telling them how the dog and cat had both already thrown up that morning - and my mom kept saying, "Are you pregnant?" and my dad would chime in, "You're not answering the question." So finally I told them I was and they were very excited. One of the funniest things is that they thought our friends from church (Christina who I've mentioned in other posts and her husband) did it as a joke for halloween. Anyway it was a lot of fun.  Here's Tommy sporting his tough tattoo:

You would have thought the kid was getting a real tattoo with the fight he put up to hold his arm still for each letter to be blotted on. And once we were finished he pulled his arm back and rubbed the whole thing off, since it was still wet, on his high chair. But it turned out great - he didn't care about it at all once he was able to move his arm freely.

We are so excited and feel so blessed to be adding this new surprise addition to our family.  We weren't planning for this sweet little one but I'm glad that the Lord does things in His timing b/c I had no idea when I'd be ready for another baby. I think it will so much fun for the kids to be close in age and play together and hopefully be close and love each other very much!

I was a little afraid that I wouldn't be as excited this pregnancy, that I would worry that something would be wrong.  Whether it was DS or something else.  And to be honest I was worried in the very beginning, but more about having a miscarriage, not DS.  But I prayed specifically that the Lord would allow me to be excited and joyful and that I wouldn't worry about something being wrong.  And to be completely honest I'm not worried (at least not all right now) about this child having DS.  There is a higher chance once you have one child with DS to have another one, but here's the thing we know what a blessing any child is and that it's something we can handle (not on our own but with the Lord).  We won't be having any special tests done to check for DS, it did change my perspective on them though - I do see where people would choose to have them, not for abortion reasons, but to mentally and medically prepare.  There would definitely have been a perk to having done more research and talked to other moms who had been through it before b/c it's a lot to take in, especially in the hospital when you're having to schedule what seemed like a bajillion doctors appointments and you haven't even taken your child home yet.  But I did some research and Kyle and I talked about it and there's no guarantee with the tests - they can be wrong either way.  The test may say you aren't having a baby with DS and you really are, or that you are and you really aren't.  So I don't see the necessity in putting our emotions through something that may not be accurate. We will have a special ultrasound done on our baby's heart, we had one done with Tommy, b/c heart defects run in our family. They couldn't see any of Tommy's heart defects in utero though, so mainly major ones are apparent. Now if there was a major heart defect connected to DS that shows up in the ultrasound then Kyle and I might reevaluate and have one of the safer tests run, but we'll cross that bridge if we get there.

I do think Tommy will be a great big brother, I don't know if initially he will be but I know he'll grow into one and love this baby so much! My main concern with him right now is learning to be gentle. He likes to hit. We try correcting him, it really has no effect at this point but we're trying to be consistent but at the same time try different things to see if he responds more. But I think he'll be great at sharing his toys and us, he seems to like when we hold other kids as long as we stay close to him too. Oh we won't be finding out if we're having a boy or girl, we didn't with Tommy either. We don't even ask the heart rate at the doctor visits so there are no hints! Kyle thinks we're having a boy! I love that he even made a guess, with Tommy he made no guesses until like a week or two before we had him b/c we did know the heart rate then after being monitored many times b/c of my blood pressure. I'm due at the end of May 2012! We do not have names picked out and Kyle will not talk to me about names. He's not happy with me b/c we did have names picked out from way back when we were pregnant with Tom but those are both very popular names now and I don't like them as much. So he says I'll just change my mind by the end of the pregnancy if we pick out other names (not true...could be true...but probably not). Kyle's never had a love for talking baby names, so I understand his disappointment in me changing my mind, but I have always been a lover of talking about baby names so my fun continues. I have a girl choice picked out but no boy ideas - we want to use all family names if we can. Some day if we talk about and agree on names I'll let you know what they are.

My next doctor's appointment is mid-December and then we have an ultrasound in the beginning of January (where the sex of the baby will NOT be revealed).  And then two or three weeks later we'll have the special heart ultrasound done.

There will be plenty of updates on here. I kind of wish now that I would have blogged while I was pregnant with Tommy so I could go back and read what it was like at this point.

This is my mushy monday post by the way. What's mushier than having a sweet, little, snuggly, hopefully calm and happy and laid back and good sleeping and good eating, baby?!



Mushy Monday

Woo Woo look who's posted on the right day two weeks in a row?! This week I am suuuuuper happy to have our baby boy back! When your little one is sick and teething for a while, you forget what his regular personality is like - fun, laid back, sweet, funny, etc. After a week+ of holding a crying and whining baby, getting lots of sweet snuggles though, I was ready for the return of our Tommy. He took an antibiotic for the first time, he hated taking it so I was glad when it was all gone. And we have since discovered that it was all 4 canines coming in at once. Here's the bad news, only the tips of these 4 vicious teeth have poked through. You can see 4 specks of white where the teeth are, sometimes I think it might just be a leftover from a meal, but trust me I've felt them many times to verify they are in fact the points to all 4 painful canines. I'm just hoping that as they grow in more they don't cause him as much pain. But in wonderful, God praising, worthy news - TEETHING TABLETS ARE BACK! I know there are some teething tablet haters out there, I am not one of them. They work. God thought of me and Tommy, and my sister Julie and niece Eliza, (shout out on the blog woo woo) when he had someone invent these. By the way I did read why they took them off the market to begin with and how they brought them back. They're safe. They're great. The end.

But in all seriousness Tommy has been so much fun lately. He's big into giving me TONS, and by tons I really do mean more than I could count, of kisses. It's actually starting to dry my skin out on my cheeks from all the slobbery love he is giving to his mama. But I love it! He thinks it's funny! Oh and he's babbling so much more now, he is constantly saying "dadadadadadadadada" and now "babababababababa" sometimes we get a "rararararara" and on the rarest of occasions a "ma". He's actually babbling in front of people now too which is fun for them to hear his sweet voice.  He's been playing really well by himself again, which is so so so nice! I was afraid it would be a long road back to him being able to do that, but it hasn't. He's a pretty great kid.

Tommy just turned 19 months old yesterday! That blows my mind. Our little boy is over a year and a half old. How did that happen? His physical therapist thinks he'll be walking around the age of 2, but Kyle and I will be amazed if that happens. Not to sound negative, we just know he has a long way to go before he's walking, the kid is smart and independent, he likes to get around quickly in the ways he knows how to and that do not require anyone else's help. His cutest way of getting around is by leaning forward on his hands and then lifting and moving his butt over in which ever direction he wants to go.

This week, right around his 19 month old marker, was the first time a stranger brought up Tommy having Down Syndrome without me bringing it up first. It actually took me off guard. Initially I didn't really like it but the lady was super nice and didn't mean anything by it. It was a grandma who was playing with her 10 month old grandson. And we were talking about their ages and size and shortly after she just said, "My daughter works with kids with Down Syndrome." And I said, "Oh, that's good." Obviously she was meaning to be sweet and to let me know she had a connection with Down Syndrome. And I don't know if it was b/c she said it out of the blue or that we hadn't been talking that long but my initial reaction was uncomfortable. Now here's the thing, I am A Okay with talking to people about Tommy having Down Syndrome and a lot more people may be able to tell he has it by looking at him but aren't going to say something about it. Anyway one of my points here is that I had wondered if as Tommy got older if he would look more like he had Down Syndrome to me, there are some typical physical features attributed to DS but not every kid who has DS will have those attributes. But the answer to that question is that as he gets older I actually see it less. And I don't think that that means Tommy doesn't have those attributes, he might, but I think as his mother I know him for being Tommy and I see his personality way more than anyone else and that effects the way that I see him. Now sometimes when he is tired I do think you can see it more in his eyes, but I actually don't even see it as much now as I did when he was little (I don't think that means that it's changed I think it means that I have). I don't care if Tommy has the typical attributes associated with DS but I love that I see him through my eyes. Do you get what I'm saying? It's not completely like when you meet a good looking person but then when they start talking they get a lot uglier, or vice versa when you meet an average looking person but as they start talking they become a lot prettier; but it's kind of along those same lines. It is comparable to my twin sisters, some people can't ever tell them apart, I've been able to since I was 2, b/c I know them. They're faces look completely different to me. Well Tommy's face looks like Tommy to me - the most handsome little face I've ever seen! He has the sweetest smile and the most pitiful sad faces (which he is getting very good at faking for attention). It makes me happy to share this with whoever reads my blog b/c this was one of the things I worried about when we had Tommy. It sounds vain, but I had no idea what it was like to have a kid, let alone a kid with DS. So I was afraid he wouldn't look like us, or that those "typical features" would be all I saw. How naive was I?! Kyle always knew better. When Tommy was still and infant, I asked him my embarrassing question of, "Do you think we'll be able to see that Tommy has DS some day?" he said, "No, I think we'll just see Tommy. We'll know him as he grows and he might gradually change but I don't think we'll see it. And he'll just look like Tommy to us." I married a very smart man, who gave me a very handsome boy that looks just like his daddy! I love my family!

Mushy Monday

My mushy post goes out to my dear friend Christina this week! During one of the more difficult weeks of our parenting lives she made us dinner and brought it to us and brought us an additional dinner to make the next night! It was such a blessing to Kyle, Tommy, and me. Kyle hadn't had a real meal since we left his parents' house on Sunday and Tommy was barely eating b/c he had been sick and teething. I had planned to make dinner the night before but my sweet boy wouldn't let me sit him down, he needed his mama to hold him. And I hadn't been to the grocery in over a week so we were limited on options any way.

Christina offered to bring us dinner in an email, and I almost initially wrote back, "no that's okay" but then I thought about it for a second and realized that it really would be a huge help. But even as I was going to write her back I kept fighting with my pride to whether or not I should really accept her generous offer. But then I remembered what a sweet friend I met in Kenya told me. He's from Kenya and was one of our guides during the week and we were on the bus headed somewhere and he was getting up and asked, "Can I get you something to drink?" (or something of that sort, I know we were eating) and I responded, "Oh no that's okay I can get it myself." Just thinking I didn't want to make him go out of his way. And he said very seriously back to me, "You do know that you should allow people to serve you. You keep wanting to serve us but we want to have the privilege to serve you too, and you should allow us to." So of course somewhat embarrassed I said said something like, "okay I'll take a water then." But what he said is really true, when I have the opportunity to serve someone else it is so fulfilling. It's what Christ wants us to do, and to do it in His name (sometimes I have a hard time remembering that but I also think that's connected to the reason why it really does feel good to serve and love others through that service) but we also have to give people the same opportunity and allow them to serve us. Anyhow since Christina is a close friend I did actually agree. And Kyle thought it was a little silly that I agreed to it, b/c obviously we can go grab something out to eat but we had been doing that a lot already. But after he had Christina's dinner I asked if he was glad that I accepted her offer and he strongly agreed at that point. And he finished off all the leftovers the next night!! And poor, starving Tom Tom ate so much of it too, it was the first big meal he had eaten in about a week! (His canines are coming in and he had strep so he had been eating hardly anything)

And here's the other neat thing, it made me feel even closer to Christina by allowing her to serve us. It doesn't completely make sense to me, maybe it's b/c I felt kind of vulnerable in a sense by letting my guard down and trying to push my pride aside. Who knows. But I'm so grateful for her sweet friendship and her willingness to serve us!

Here's an oldie but a goodie of Christina and Tommy who is showing off his gymnastic skills

On a good note, things are looking up in our household! Tommy is doing better, Praise the Lord! He is taking his first antibiotic in his life, I think at a year and a half old that's not too shabby! That's something I want to remember too! He's been a very healthy boy and we're grateful to God for that. The Lord knows we couldn't handle this often.

Mushy Monday

So just go ahead and reread last weeks mushy post, then let's add into my lovely in-laws who helped this weekend, and of course my husband!

I have not been feeling well, Sunday night was the worst. I had an awful, and I mean awful, gallbladder attack. At first I thought I had the flu or a bug, I was throwing up and felt so sick. My stomach was in knots, and the most painful knot was right under my right lower ribs, which my mom pointed out later was my gallbladder. I had an ultrasound done early this morning but the tech couldn't tell me if I had gallstones or anything, I have to wait to get the report from the doctor.

When I got sick we were out of town visiting my in laws and they helped take care of Tommy while I laid down and Kyle tried to work on his paper Sunday night. But poor Tommy only wanted mommy and daddy b/c his little teeth are giving him such a hard time. We decided to go ahead and travel home, about 1 1/2 - 2 hours, that night and took a big coffee container with a lid in case I got sick on the way home, which I did (but thankfully that was the last time).  As soon as we got home I laid down in bed, Kyle brought some stuff along with Tommy inside and Tommy puked on Kyle. Did I mention this was Kyle's birthday?! Anyhow my parents were almost to our house to come pick up Tommy, b/c at this point I still thought it was a bug and didn't want Tommy to catch it, so my dad was going to graciously take off work to take care of Tommy and my oldest sister Jennifer was going to try to take half a day off too to help him (and she really likes Tommy, a lot).  But since Tommy threw up we were afraid he caught what I had and didn't want my parents to get it. But then my mom figured out, being the great nurse that she is, that he probably got sick b/c I had been giving him orange juice that day and he hadn't eaten much b/c of his teeth hurting so bad. An empty stomach and orange juice don't mix. The poor guy hasn't been sick again but is having some major stomach issues - some explosive ones. Sorry if that's TMI this is for my memories sake too. I believe he went through three outfits yesterday and this morning before my ultrasound I had to change his clothes and his sheets, if I had time he probably would have gotten a bath, even though he just had one last night.

I am so so very appreciative to have my husband who stepped up so much and took great care of me and Tommy! He did however mention he could never be a stay at home dad, he said it was exhausting. And the Lord was so kind to him yesterday, Tommy almost slept 4 hours during the day, FOUR HOURS! My son usually sleep for 1 1/2-2 hours. And Tommy went down great for his naps for his daddy, which he usually does not. So I know the Lord was being extra kind to Kyle and to me.

A big thank you to my hubby, to my parents for driving out late at night to come take care of my baby and bring us gatorade and pedialyte, and to my sister Jennifer for wanting to help, and to my in laws for helping too! Shew I couldn't do this on my own, I'm glad I don't have to!
As far as the gallbladder goes right now it just aches pretty constantly but I feel so much better. I can't handle attacks like I had, I felt like I got hit by a car. So I have to eat a very low fat diet to prevent that and I may have my gallbladder taken out in a month or so, we have to wait and see what the results are, I may be able to wait longer to have it out. But I am so thankful to be feeling so much better! I'm scared to eat though, but I'm not that hungry so that helps.

The end.

Mushy Post

Okay so I will try really hard to keep my Mushy Monday posts on Monday! My lovely sister Julie and niece are in town again and I like to hang out with them as much as possible so sometimes that means I slack off in other areas - my blog, my house, my groceries, etc. I was sick last week so I didn't go grocery shopping either so we are running out of food, today Kyle said, "Ummm babe, the house is kind of going crazy. There's no food, no dishes, empty boxes everywhere (from what food there was)..." (He wasn't mad, he was mainly teasing me but also asking when I was going grocery shopping)There is food and there were dishes, just clean in the dishwasher.  But I totally agree, we need more food and I definitely need to straighten up the house and put away the dishes, I just don't feel like it. Oh well it will get done - probably straightening up before the grocery b/c the weather is looking a little gloomy.

This post is not going to be one that I need for my memory's sake, unlesss I completely lose my mind for some reason. But I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo (not enough o's to get my point across) thankful for my parents. My mom and dad spoil me, Kyle, and Tommy rotten.  They watched Tommy for a whole weekend, which was just intended to be one night, so I could get our house cleaned (which I did do, but now it's a little messy again, that's just how it goes) but also and I would say mainly b/c they just love spending time with Tommy. Last week was not the most eventful for Tommy since I was sick, he spent a lot of time playing in the family room and not getting to do much else. But I know when he goes to Nana and Pappy's house that he gets to do all kinds of fun stuff. He goes swinging, on wagon rides, to visit the neighbors. Tommy has his grandparents wrapped around his finger. If he even starts to whine, Nana runs to him to entertain him. I am so thankful that we live close to each other and are able to spend so much time together.  They are a huge help. My mom makes good food when we visit sometimes and when Kyle is working I just take him the leftovers home for dinner (which is super nice when you haven't been grocery shopping) or my parents will take us out to eat for delicious dinners too. They are extremely generous with their time and their money and they always tell us how much they enjoy spoiling us.

In the past couple of years I have been able to see how much of a role parents play in their children's lives.  Kyle worked at a home for troubled boys and it was apparent how integral each parent is to a child's life. And this may sound dumb, but even from watching a few shows on Netflix about addicts - there were so many who had a parent who left or some major issue with one or both of their parents.  But when you have good parents - you don't know what it's like to have bad ones, and I'm glad I don't know what that's like.  It makes me appreciate my parents.  And now that they are grandparents I appreciate that role they play too, not everyone has super supportive grandparents who want and ask for their grandkids to spend the night b/c they want to take care of them and have some quality time with them.

So thanks Mom and Dad, Nana and Pappy! Kyle, Tommy, and I love you so much and we appreciate all that you do!

This is one of my very favorite pictures of Tommy!

Mushy Monday

Okay so I'm late again - this is starting to be a theme but oh well at least I'm posting something.  Okay so I have a super sweet post that I just thought about a few minutes ago so I'm glad I didn't post yesterday.  This is something that I never, ever want to forget but more than likely I will tuck it away somewhere in the back of my mind as Tommy gets older b/c there will be so many new and different things he is doing.

So one of the key things to calming Tommy down and getting him to fall asleep is to softly stroke the side of his face, specifically the right side of his face. And also rubbing his little head, in the direction his hair is parted. I don't know what it is but he absolutely melts when I do this and I LOVE LOVE LOVE it. When I'm rocking him to calm him down before a nap or bed, if he's tired enough he'll lay his head on my chest and I'll stroke his face and I do it really close to his eye, I don't usually touch his eye (sometimes I do to see if I can feel him blinking to know if his eyes are closed and he's starting to drift off) but it encourages him to close his eyes and relax. And he has such soft sweet baby skin. Aww it may seem like nothing to read this but my sweet baby will not always let me do this and to be honest it would be a little weird if I was doing this when he's 15.  So I cherish his little sweetness.  He is such a boy, he loves to wrestle and play rough, watch cars, play ball, throw things, get into things and explore. But he still cuddles his mama when he's tired.  I have stroked that face and brushed that baby's hair with my hand so many times I don't even realize I'm doing it sometimes and that's when I thought - I never want to forget these sweet moments.  I mean who doesn't love a sleeping baby?! And let alone when they fall asleep in your arms.

We've been trying to comfort Tommy by patting him and not picking him up when he wakes up during the night b/c he automatically lifts his arms up for you to pick him up.  But let's just be honest, can I really resist my precious boy putting his arms up for me to hold him when he wakes up crying. No way jose! But if he doesn't fall right back to sleep after I hold him for a minute I lay him back down and I'll stroke his face and hair and when he's almost asleep he rolls on his belly into my hand so I can get the right side of his face. Melts my heart.

A not so Mushy Thursday?!

So I didn't post anything on Monday half way b/c I forgot and I also just haven't been feeling very mushy! That sounds weird to say feeling mushy but you know what I mean. But there have been lots of very fun and enjoyable times we've had lately and that's probably one of the reasons why I haven't felt extra soft hearted -I've been tooooooo busy!

Last week my sister Julie and my little niece came to visit. That was a lot of fun! Tommy really enjoyed spending time with his sweet cousin. Over the past couple of months he has started liking her more - before he just wasn't interested. But he does allow her in his personal space, which means he likes her. It's always fun to spend time with my sisters and my mom. We went out to lunch, went on walks, just let the kids sit around and play. We tried to take some cute pictures of the babies together but they weren't happy at the same times.

Then this past Tuesday my mom and I went to see one of my other sisters, Jeanne, and had lunch with her and went shopping. Jeanne found a super cute pair of flats for $9 at payless and I copied her and got the same pair a 1/2 size bigger. Jeanne is pregnant with a precious baby boy! I love to see and rub and kiss her belly! (Just like one kiss to tell little Eli I love him)

Kyle had fall break last week which was really nice too! I think we'll both be so excited when he's done with school, which who knows when that will be. But I really do love spending time with my husband and it makes me feel so good to know he enjoys spending time with me too. It's funny b/c when we're home together it just feels more complete and when the other is gone, even though we probably wouldn't have even been in the same room doing the same thing we still know the other is missing. I love being married! And I can't believe we will have been married 5 years in August! It sounds like such a milestone. Anyway I've been super thankful for Kyle as my partner in parenting lately too.  Tommy has started throwing fits and they're pretty hard to get him to calm down from.  We're trying to figure out the most effective way to discipline him and keep our sanity.  So at the wise suggestion of my husband we will putting him in time out in his pack'n'play (that way he won't fight going to bed b/c he thinks he's in trouble) this way it will separate him from the situation and give him a chance to calm down, and so we don't have to hear him whine and cry and scream the whole time. We're also trying to push a second nap back into his schedule. I think a second nap will work wonders but it is hard to fit into his schedule. But I'd rather have a quiet sleeping baby then a crying/fussy/unhappy little guy.  I'm just so thankful I have Kyle to think rationally and to just flat out make decisions of what we're going to do sometimes.  I try to think of too many solutions and then don't end up being consistent with one.  And I feel so frazzled in the midst of it that I need my logical husband to just say, "let's try this..." And I love that I can trust him to make good decisions for us - it's not in a controlling way that he makes decisions b/c he always listens to my thoughts and sometimes we tweak what his original thoughts were but I definitely desire and appreciate his leadership in our marriage.

Once again I am so thankful for what the Lord has been teaching me about emotions and feelings and how they are so deceiving and they are not truth.  When Tommy was having a really rough day I told Kyle I didn't feel loving towards Tommy. I know I love him and I know I'll never stop but when he's throwing a tantrum it's hard to think, I love you. And in those moments I'm not "enjoying" motherhood. I'm so glad I have Tommy and I'm so glad he's ours and I know with all things the bad comes with the good. And I was just thinking from God's perspective too how I make it so hard for Him to love me. I sin and rebel and throw fits b/c I'm not getting what I want. And I also related it to marriage too, sometimes Kyle is a lot easier to love than at other times, and I know the same goes for me. But I know the Lord will always love me, I know I will always love Kyle & Tommy - no matter what my "feelings" are. Hopefully that makes sense.

Mushy Monday

This weekend we were able to walk and raise money for a local organization that supports individuals with Down Syndrome, along with their families.  They have served as a great resource for us so far and they will continue to more and more as Tommy gets older.

Here's a picture of Tommy's Team:

Aunt Jennifer, Tommy, Nana Jan, Aunt Sherry, Ken, PawPaw Rob, Grammy Patti, Pappy Dave, and me

It was a pretty chilly morning! But we all enjoyed the walk and look forward to doing it again next year. It will be fun as Tommy gets older and he can get excited and feel special that we are all walking for him.

My heart is also very thankful and sad today.  Another mom, who I met through the Down Syndrome organization, lost her three year old son yesterday.  My heart aches for her and her family.  I cannot even imagine what she is going through.  I am so very sad for their loss. I am so grateful that God is in control but if I were her I fear that I would be angry with the Lord.  But no matter what in my heart I know that God is sovereign and He is good and I'm glad He is in control.  It also makes me thankful for Tommy's health - that may sound selfish - but I think any parent who has lost a child would desire for people to be thankful for what they have and not take it for granted.

Heart Links

Here are two links that I recently found while doing some additional research on Tommy's heart defect - ASD.  They are very clear, not too much medical lingo, and have a lot of helpful information.  Just wanted to share them with anyone who would like to read more about it.

http://jmarkmoralesmd.com/cardiothoracic-procedures/atrial-septal-defect.html

http://kidshealth.org/parent/medical/heart/asd.html

We go back in 3 months (instead of 6 months as I recently posted) - not b/c of any medical reason but for us to be able to have a sit down with his cardiologist and get some miscommunications combed out and get some additional questions answered.

Mushy Monday!

I am so blessed to have so many wonderful things happen to me through out the week that when I start to think what I'm going to post about it's hard to pick one thing. And, obviously I don't usually only talk about one thing so who cares?!

My favorite thing about this week was going on a date with my husband! It had been far too long! We went to dinner, to Lowes, and a movie. Then we went to the grocery store to get ingredients to make chocolate chip cookies and we got a few other goodies and went home and relaxed - watched some shows and made the cookies and ate them! Kyle now prefers cookies from scratch but I can't seem to make them without them turning out cakey :( blah! They have a great taste but aren't chewy or cookie-like. So I asked a friend for a new recipe for next time b/c I've had her cookies and they are DELICIOUS! But this could be bad too, Kyle may request them far more often this way!

My parents are always so willing to watch Tommy and have him spend the night. And this week I NEEDED the break. Kyle knew I did too so he was all for it. Tommy has been sick, we're pretty sure he had Roseola, and it made for a very fussy, long, less sleep, filled week.

I really enjoyed being out to dinner with Kyle and getting to eat bites when ever I wanted to and not having to feed anyone else while I ate. It was very enjoyable. We saw the Rise of the Planet of the Apes movie and it was really good. Only bad part was I got a bad headache during the movie - I'm pretty sure it was from lack of sleep. When I go for a while on less sleep than I need I get bad headaches. But I took a little nap (way late at night when others are actually asleep for the night) while Kyle watched some shows when we got home and that made my headache go away, thankfully.

But the reason I loved this date is b/c I really enjoy spending alone time with Kyle. I'm so glad we still like each other. Obviously we love each other and we believe that it is a choice to love someone but sometimes in marriages you know two people love each other but they don't really appear to like each other any more. And I really like Kyle, a lot. He has such a great sense of humor and the Lord has made us very compatible. We have definitely grown more compatible with time and it makes life so much more fun.

And I will leave you with this AWESOME video of our little guy!

He makes it look super easy to do this - but it has taken him a long time to learn and he seemed to figure it out, out of no where. And for that we praise the Lord for Tommy's progress! Kyle laughs at me b/c I get so excited over every new thing that Tommy does but it really is a big deal.  Tommy has endured hours of therapy since he has been born so we CELEBRATE when he accomplishes something new!

Mushy Monday

So my Mushy Monday moment just happened. It wasn't really a big a moment just a casual conversation between neighbors. Our neighbors across the street go to their lake house occasionally and I keep an eye on their mail for them. They are a very sweet, kind hearted, older couple. Well he stopped by to see if he had any mail to pick up and we were talking about some random things. And we got on the subject of how I met a boy from St. Louis and married him. I explained how we met in college and he said he had remembered that and then he said, "You're a well educated woman to just be a babysitter." And in the back of my mind I thought it was a little rude but knowing this man and how he would never intentionally offend me, I thought for a split second and I smiled big back at him and said, "There's no other job I'd rather have in the world than watching that little boy." And he smiled back and said, "I know that."

Truth is I've always dreamed of being a "babysitter" to my very own children.  And it is so much more than babysitting. I'm still smiling when I think about what he said, and b/c I know Kyle will get a good laugh when I tell him the story.

I am so blessed to be able to stay at home with Tommy. I explained to my neighbor too that I would be so jealous if there was some one else getting to spend all this time with him instead of me.  (Now on teething days I might think differently ;)

Kyle and I both see it as a blessing. This is a huge sacrifice for Kyle b/c he's working and going to school at the same time. I remember when Kyle thought about cutting back on work so he could focus more on school, I was getting so frustrated with the conversation but didn't know how to word my feelings. And finally I just started crying and told him I felt like if he cut back on work that I would feel pressured to work and I didn't want to do that. And my sweet and encouraging husband explained that I could completely push that thought out of my head, his intentions would remain for me to stay at home with Tommy and that wouldn't change. And if financially we couldn't make it work he would just work more. Just one more reason I love that man and I can see how the Lord has made us fit together so very well.

I also see staying home with Tommy as much more than babysitting, obviously.  And here's the thing, people get paid to babysit so it is a job. And if I were to ever leave my son with a babysitter or nanny, you better believe they'd have to be the best of the best which means they would want to be paid bank b/c they'd actually care for and watch my son. And thankfully since we don't have bank to pay someone we have willing family, friends, church family to help us out when we need a break (and they are the best of the best babysitters)!

My best friend just had her first child this week, a precious little boy. And she was actually a nanny before. I can guarantee you after a few days of being a mom she would tell you how priceless and incomparable to being a nanny it already is.

Obviously I'm reading more into this comment then what he actually meant. And it's also a generational difference.  He probably didn't have the opportunity to go to college and really couldn't fathom if having had that opportunity, not putting it to use.

I hope Tommy and I have many, many more years of "babysitting" to spend together and to cherish and to know each other more and more.



Mushy Monday

Once again so many big/busy things have happened this past week. One great thing was Tommy and I (along with my parents and Granny Jane) were able to travel to see my sister and brother-in-law find out if they were having a boy or girl...well they're having a boy! And we all thought she was having a girl! Needless to say we were very excited!

We also celebrated my mom's birthday. Birthdays are so fun when everyone comes in town! We had a great time going out to eat, playing games, and celebrating our mom!

My mushy post will once again be about my sweet and precious little Mama's Boy! I feel bad b/c I've been complaining a lot about him being too much of a mama's boy. He doesn't even like for me to leave the room, he starts crying. It's sad. But I know he'll grow out of it and until then I just need to be patient with him and encourage him to play well on his own.

One of Tommy's favorite things is my hair. He LOVES it! And I am 100% okay with this, it's super sweet. It's like his security blanket. He holds on to it when I'm holding him and then when he's all snuggly, he lays back in my lap with his pacifier in his mouth and reaches back to play with my hair while we watch TV. I LOVE this! But the sweetest thing is now he will army crawl/roll across the room and come over, get on his knees (trying to climb) reach up my back (while leaning on it) and get my hair. RIDICULOUS! And oooooh so cute!

I have been doing my make up in the family room in front of a mirror we have for Tommy to play in front of. Well I sit on the floor to do this. So Tommy being halfway across the room, sees me sit down, and now starts to come over by me and tries to climb all over me and climb on my back to play with my hair, whether it's down or in a pony tail. I wish I could get this on video. But unfortunately there is not a camera that automatically starts filming when my little one does sweet, precious, and funny things.

Oh how I love my little boy and I don't want him to ever completely grow out of being a mama's boy.

Mushy Monday

So unless you have experienced what my Mushy Monday is about, you probably won't agree that it's super exciting. I say that because I never thought it was a big deal when this happened to other people. Well this week I found my best friend from elementary school on facebook! And we have been messaging each other back and forth - reminiscing and catching up on what's been happening for the past 13 years or so since we last saw each other.

It has been so much fun! It's like my mind kept all of these memories from 2nd grade stored some where and all of the sudden they're coming back.

Her name is Becky and she was such a sweet friend of mine. And after catching up with her through facebook I feel like we're still friends. Isn't it funny how someone you got along with in 2nd grade you could still get along with after all those years? There's a lot of changing and growing up that goes on in all those years.

Anyhow it has given me such joy to get to know her again. She moved away in 6th grade (I think I have that right) and we didn't keep in contact. Pre-facebook days. At first when I saw she had written on a mutual friend's facebook page, I couldn't decide if I should ask her to be my friend and what I should write in the message to let her know who I was. But I knew I was over thinking it, I knew I would've wanted her to ask to be my friend if she saw my name. So then I started to write her a message saying "I don't know if you remember me but..." then I realized how dumb that was and I figured if she didn't remember me then that would be weird. So we started writing back and forth and I've greatly,greatly enjoyed it.

Sweet childhood memories are absolutely precious! Childhood is such a care-free and innocent time. One thing I remember was going to Cincinnati with Becky and her family. We got to get out of school early, and we went to the zoo and an amusement park. I loved the zoo! I thought the Bald Eagles were especially neat. It was a blast! Probably my favorite part was getting to leave school early to go on vacation with my best friend! She has such a sweet family, and they were so kind to include me on their trip.

I hope Tommy has great friends in his life as he grows up too.

Mushy Monday

Oh where, oh where has my baby gone?!
My little 16 month old is turning into such a big boy! He's wearing big boy socks and shoes. His socks are just like Daddy's!

With Tommy having Down Syndrome it has been a blessing in the sense that we have gotten to fully enjoy him being a baby. Kyle has always told me that he is glad Tommy isn't too mobile yet b/c we're getting a long stage of what everybody loves - a sweet, fun baby who you don't have to chase every where. Tommy still isn't too mobile just yet, he gets where he wants to go, but thankfully he doesn't go too far yet! But Kyle and I have both seen lately how much he is growing up. And we appreciate him getting older and are having so much fun watching even more of who Tommy is, coming out. He is laughing more, playing more, loving on us more, playing games, etc.

Anyway this week my big mushy/excited moment (apart from no surgery for a while) was when Tommy held his sippy cup! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAY times a bajillion! We have been working on this since he was about 9 months old and he is now 16 months old. But he looks like such a big boy holding his cup! And I LOVE it! I have been feeding this boy since birth and I have been looking forward to when he could help feed himself more. My selfish hope in this is that Kyle would be okay with feeding him more often now, but Kyle's helped with feeding him more ever since he started using a cup in his high chair. (Kyle didn't like feeding him a bottle b/c he didn't want to get spit up on afterwards).

Look at him holding his cup!

ADORABLE!

Okay mom, enough pictures, I'm trying to drink my water.

 After seeing those pictures you should feel mushy too! He was so proud of himself! Kyle and I cheered and clapped for him every time he stopped taking a drink and that encouraged him all the more!

And a word of encouragement to any other moms who have kids that don't want to hold their cup - Tommy recently started using his hands a lot more - picking up toys and putting them in a bucket, clapping, etc. And out of no where I just tried giving him his cup this week (b/c I had somewhat given up since we had no success with it before) and he just held on to it and drank! I wish one of his therapists would have explained that those things go hand in hand, as he plays and does more things with his hands that he might then hold his cup on his own, rather than just telling me to keep trying before.

We're so thankful for all that the Lord is doing in Tommy's life. And we are so thankful that God gave us Tommy b/c we're finding as he grows that we love him more and more as we get to know him. He is already such a stinker - he plays teasing games, where if you ask for a kiss he'll turn his head away but then turns back and will give you one. And his absolutely PRECIOUS laugh is so infectious! It is a helpful reminder to me that when you laugh during the day it makes you feel good! I know that sounds silly but every now and then Tommy, or someone else, will make me laugh and I realize, I haven't laughed in a while and that was great! And it's hard to explain but when Tommy makes me laugh it makes me feel even closer to him, like we're becoming such great friends. I could probably write a whole mushy post on that!

So if you haven't noticed, I love my kid! I love that he is getting bigger and more boyish b/c I desire to know him, his personality, and to see what the Lord will do with his life.

Surprising Cardiologist Appointment

Tommy was born with two holes in his heart. One pin hole called a VSD that the cardiologist thought would close on its own and an ASD which is a significant hole in the lower part of his atrial wall.  Well the VSD closed up about 9 months ago (2 appointments ago) and the ASD is highly unlikely to close without surgery. We have been told since Tommy was born that he would have to have surgery before he's 2 years old to repair the ASD. About 5-6 months ago at our last cardiologist appointment the doctor told us we would be taking pictures of Tommy's heart & getting the ball rolling for his surgery before RSV season (which starts in November) at his next appointment.

Well today was that appointment. The doctor did an echo and said everything looked good and he was very pleased with Tommy's growth. We sat in his office and chatted for a little bit and then he said he'd like to see us again in 6 months. At this point Kyle and I were so confused. I knew Kyle was about to say something so I let him go first. And he asked for clarification on why he was pushing for surgery this fall and now we're waiting another 6 months. Then the doctor explained that since Tommy's VSD closed, we didn't have to worry about irreversible damage and as long as Tommy keeps growing we can wait until next year to do the surgery. The doctor also said if we want Tommy to have surgery now, he can b/c he shows no signs of it closing and it's highly, highly unlikely for it to close but he would suggest waiting b/c the bigger the heart the easier it is to work on.  I then asked, well if he's still gaining weight at this point next year, would we wait longer? And he said, yes. So basically we were extremely shocked to find out that Tommy will not be having surgery this fall!

We are so grateful and thankful that Tommy is healthy and doesn't have to have surgery yet! There is a part of it that's difficult b/c I was emotionally prepared to schedule his surgery and it will still be looming in the back of my head but I'd much rather my baby be healthy and not need surgery yet. And I will continue to hope and pray that the Lord will close the second hole in Tommy's heart!

We go back in 6 months and from what we were told today, as long as he continues to gain weight we are in the clear for a little while longer. And to make sure I am clear, b/c some people were confused by a text I sent earlier today, Tommy still needs surgery, he just doesn't have to have it yet.

Thanks to everyone who has been praying and please continue to!

Mushy Monday on a Tuesday!

I went to bed early last night so I didn't get to post my mushyness! Well this week I had some emotional challenges with Tommy's cardiologist appointment approaching. This year we had a sermon on sharing your burdens with other Christians and asking them to help bear your burdens. This is something that is out of my comfort zone but I felt very burdened by the anxiety of Tommy's appointment. I talked to Kyle about the way I was feeling first. He is an amazing husband and b/c he is so good at helping me bear my burdens he is usually where I stopped.

But this time I did share my burden with my family and friends and I am thankful I did. The Lord has given me a huge peace and I also feel like I don't have to be as worried about showing my true emotions. I strongly prefer not to cry in front of people but as my sweet husband shared with me, I have to get over it b/c I am going to cry about Tommy's surgery in front of people. We both know I will so getting over it now will help me not worry about it then.

God is so good and I am so thankful that Jesus is there to intercede on my behalf. Thank you for praying for us. Specific ways you can pray are for - Tommy that he would be healthy before and after surgery, that the surgery will be successful and he would have a quick recovery, and for our family to have peace and to rely on the Lord and His sovereignty. We are so thankful for good heart surgeons in Louisville & modern medical knowledge and technology to help mend his heart. And that Tommy has been so healthy and has been able to wait so long to have surgery.

I'll post updates on the details we find out next week.

Growing up

It seems like Tommy has grown up a ton in a matter of a couple of weeks. Kyle & I are really enjoying watching him in this stage as he is becoming more independent and so curious! It seems like it's just come out of no where. All of the sudden he just started doing all these fun and toddler-like things.

He doesn't want to be held for a long time (unless he's really sleepy, then he's a snuggle bug), he would rather be on the floor playing with toys and exploring his surroundings. His new big thing is to put his toys inside of his toy drum. He thinks it's so fun! And he is so inquisitive when he does it too. Tommy loves to play with his toys, and things that aren't his toys on the shelves in our family room. By the way Tommy is now 16 months old (have to include that for my memory's sake). I've had to start putting his diapers and his Q-tips on top of the shelves so he won't throw them all over the room. Exploring has also lead to the start of disciplining - he really only gets in trouble for playing with the curtains, playing with cords, and the newest trying to pull standing lamp down. We've moved most cords so he can't reach them but somehow he always seems to find one. He likes to wrap them around himself and tries to chew on them. He initially didn't respond well to "no" at all but he is starting to get the hang of it! If we follow the "no" with a command, like "drop it" or "let it go", he usually follows our instructions. Then I try to praise him but sometimes that sends a mixed signal like it's a game so he starts doing the bad behavior again. But over all I'm so pleased with his improvement in listening to us when we're being stern.

He is talking so much more! He is communicating very well without using any real words! He makes a noise of affirmation when he does want something or he will smile. If he doesn't want something he has a noise that will some day soon turn into "no" and he turns his head away. Sometimes he does the noise and facial expression together, other times it's one or the other. He has been talking a lot more in public now and that's really fun! He tries to tell everyone hi at the grocery store, it comes out "eehh" most of the time, every once in a while it sounds like hi! Grocery shopping probably takes an extra 20 minutes just for Tommy to visit with all his fans at the grocery store. They aren't ever the same people, although I won't be surprised when we start to have new repeat friends b/c he's always so sweet and shows off for people who talk to him. One thing I've learned though is that he likes strangers at a distance. He does not want them to touch him. He'll turn his head away and move away if they try to touch him. I am 100% okay with this! I love watching his interest in people though, it also encourages me to take him places with me even though it may be more work. He will try to yell "eeh" down the aisle to people that are not even aware he's there! So cute!

He now has four molars (two top, and two bottom), one front top tooth and the other is just poking through, two front bottom teeth, and he's still working on more. 

Tommy gets slap happy before he goes to bed and it is sooooooooooooooo fun! He will crack up laughing and it makes me laugh so hard! I absolutely love it! And then I get great snuggling time, that is until Daddy notices that Tommy's tired and ready to cuddle, then he takes him away so he can enjoy it too! I think it's sweet though, I get a lot more time with Tommy through out the week.

He is also starting to try to climb. He's pulling up in his crib like a champ now! I think that's made him a lot stronger. We put a couch cushion on the floor with a toy on top and he likes to get up and get it. He's super close to being on his hands and knees but isn't quite there yet. He will take steps if you hold him under his arms and he'll take some steps if he's holding onto your fingers. Tommy has some new sneakers he's been wearing too, he thinks they're a toy but has adjusted well to them.

We love our sweet boy and enjoy seeing his personality come out more and more all the time!

Mushy Monday & other things going on in our household

Sunday was a great and very busy day. We were all (my parents, Kyle, Tommy, and myself) running on little sleep. Granny Jane had a panic attack late Saturday night and it definitely threw me for a loop because I was there for the worst part of it by myself. But Kyle got Tommy and came down quickly to help and my parents drove quickly because none of us knew what was wrong. But what Granny really needed was my mom and dad and then she started to calm down immediately. The Lord is so kind to us in our situation of living just a few houses down from Gran. Granny's had shingles for a couple of weeks now and between the pain of that and being cooped up in the house taking strong medicine, we think it got to be too much for her to handle. Anyway Sunday was an already planned busy fun day, so less sleep made seem a little busier. First, Kyle and I worked in the nursery with the 1-4 year olds but we also got to work with a couple of other guys since we combined the ages, so that was definitely nice and made the load lighter for us all. It was especially nice for me because I felt like I got to talk to more adults and to get to know the guys a little better. Then we had a birthday lunch for my dad! He turned 57 this year. My mom made a DELICIOUS lunch - roast, potatoes, carrots, squash, mashed potatoes, gravy, hawaiin rolls! MMMMMMMMM! So good! And for dessert we had Blue Belle Vanilla Ice Cream and a double cookie cake (aka - double doozie) from Sam's! For my dad's birthday we got him an assortment of teas from the Asian Grocery store near our house. He's a big tea fan. So far he's enjoyed tasting them all. His favorites are the Chrysthamum Honey and the Artichoke tea. I couldn't begin to tell you their real names?! After lunch Tommy & I went to celebrate the coming of his BFF Cameron David Lewis. We went to a baby shower for my best friend Sarah/Critter. It was so fun to get to see so many friends and the shower was beautiful. The food looked so good but I was STUFFED from lunch so I didn't try any. Tommy had some though and greatly approved.

All in all Sunday was a very eventful and fun, family, friend filled day! I LOVED getting to rub and pat Critter's belly and Cameron always kicks nice and strong so I can feel him! I love pregnant bellies! My sister Jeanne has one too and I go crazy over it when I see it!

Tommy is now 16 months old. It's a very fun stage but I'm feeling a little lost. Mainly in the sleep department. He's been at a weird, in between 1 and 2 nap stage. Well this week I tried making the transition to one long nap...it's come back to bite me in the butt. He now thinks he only needs one, one hour nap! AAAAAAAH! No way jose'! So tonight he went to bed early and we'll try again tomorrow. That's all I can do, go with the flow and try to get him back on nap schedule. Tommy has gotten way more curious lately and is exploring lots of things. He is actually learning discipline very well at this point (I hope it lasts). It's taken a good month/month and a half for it to sink in. Sometimes he will respond very well to a stern "NO" and other times it takes a little more. He still thinks "NO" is a funny word. But I am so thankful that he's beginning to take me more seriously. I always praise him when he does well and he loves that. Tommy has started wearing shoes. Not all the time but we're getting him acquainted and he's had no problem with them (apparently some kids do). He thinks they're a toy and he looks like such a BIG BOY in those little tennis shoes. I love his little socks b/c they look just like Kyle's but in miniature form! So cute! Oh another area I'm lost with him recently is eating?! He's a super good eater but he's becoming more finicky about it. He'll have days where he will hardly eat and drink anything and it makes me very uneasy. Obviously he isn't going to starve but for some reason I feel like he is. And I know he'll eat when he's hungry but it does worry me when it happens. He lost a few ounces at his last DR.'s appointment and it made me a little concerned about his heart. But we got to the cardiologist in a couple of weeks so we'll find out then. As that appointment gets closer the more anxious I feel about it. The anticipation of finding out news, unless I know it will be good, is usually harder on me than the actual news itself. I continue to pray every night, asking the Lord to heal Tommy's heart if that be His will and I hope that it is His will. I know God can do miracles but I don't think the hole has or will heal. You can feel Tommy's heart beat is different, it has some extra swooshing/beat to it and the cardiologist told me last time that's the overflow of blood into the other side of his heart through the hole. I still feel it but I'd be more than thankful for God to surprise me and heal it!

Kyle is about to start back to school, he is enrolled in three classes but may drop one. He's going to go to all three this week and depending on the workload and our finances he may drop one. This would be the best semester for him to take less b/c Tommy's surgery is anticipated for the fall. I love my husband and how he has his priorities straight. I can't remember if I wrote about this before or not. Anyway, I asked him if he thought he should take less classes b/c of Tommy's surgery and he said he hadn't thought about it. And then I said, well as long as I'm at the hospital you can go to class and work as long as nothing is wrong. Assuredly he responded without a second thought, "If you and Tommy are in the hospital there's no way I'm going to class. My grades aren't that important." He is so good at putting us before other things. I always know I can rely on him.

My mushy moment would be taking my baby shoe shopping for the first time! We were walking through Payless looking for something to go with his shoes b/c of their BOGO sale. I was trying to find some shoes for me and as I walked down the aisle Tommy kept kissing me on the cheek, unprompted. So very sweet. He's so precious and he loves me so much. I'm glad he does! Because I love him so much. While Tommy may not remember anything about me taking care of him at this age, we've laid the foundation of our relationship that he will remember. He knows I love him and I'm here to take care of him. He's my baby. And I'm glad he is!